Pathetic Heartaches

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Follow your heart because you only have one and no one will follow it for you.

Okay so that’s what I exactly did after I found out I was dying.  Well I dunno if you had read my first post but I mentioned that I was in deep shit and I didn’t know what to do after being stuck in a situation where my heart is torn between three men. Three men. Please don’t judge.  After I found out about my condition, I made a list of the things I wanted to do before I magically uhh…vanish. Apparently, one of my list is to experience what it feels to be head-over-heels in love.  And so I pledged to myself that I will listen to my heart and won’t stop myself or put any wall in my heart… that I would love like there’s no tomorrow and care as if I’m dying (which is ironically true… the dying part that is.) So I didn’t really guarded my heart that’s for sure… and I’m actually quite surprised that it’s easier when you don’t put any walls in your heart and when you just accept the little fact that you like someone and that you don’t have to fool yourself in believing that you are not in love with someone when in actuality you are.  When I accepted the weird feelings that I had, It seems to be easier and less stressful… like I’m way more calm and less of a paranoid-in-denial-I’m-going-crazy bitch like I usually am. I realized that the more I keep the emotions and the more I deny to myself the emotions that I am feeling, the crazier I get. It’s just sad that I just found out about this when my time is already counted… So yeah… I became more honest to myself and when I’d fall for a guy, I would confess. Confess that I like him but will also tell him that I’m not confessing because I’m asking him to be in a relationship with me… but rather just stating the fact that I like him because it’s the truth. ______________________________________________________________________ I met a Japanese guy last September and he came to my country to do a volunteer work and help spread Judo. I was also a...
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