Party: Ice and Hey Wimp Drink

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PARTY
"Oh my god, I am so drunk", I hear someone shout out above the crowd. I stop for a second and think to myself. "Wait a second, why am I drinking?" my friend comes up and hands me a beer and says, "Hey wimp drink up!" So I figure, hey why not. Two o'clock roles around and I am feeling like I drank myself stupid, which I have. All of a sudden I realize I have my dad's truck, and he needs it in about three hours. So little time, what am I going to do? Here are some easy steps to sober up quickly, that even a drunk can follow.

First, I know I am hungry, so go get some food dummy! Food is the first thing I need to think of. As someone starts drinking, the food in their stomach begins to absorb the alcohol. When the food has become saturated, the body then begins to absorb the alcohol, hence the feeling of drunkenness. Therefore when I have eaten a lot it takes me a long time to get drunk. I need to get food in me to soak up the alcohol, like a sponge. I look through the fridge trying to find leftovers, hoping to find anything to eat. I know I need to eat until I am full, so next I move on to the pantry. I am looking for chips, pretzels, anything. If there is no luck in the pantry, I try to find some bread and some P.B. and J. I can always make sandwiches. Because I'm drunk whatever I'm going to eat must be easy to make, and quick, for I am very impatient. Oh yeah, and no cooking required, I don't want to hurt myself, or anyone else for that matter. If the house has been raided, and all else fails, I can find a ride to Denny's. Denny's is the home of the extremely tired or the extremely wasted. At this point money means nothing, because I need to sober and get that truck home safely. I need a whole bunch of food, and chow.

The next thing I need to think of is water. Water is equally as important as food, but food always sounds good. When people are drunk, they usually don't want to drink anything at that point, but I know if I'm going to save my tail, I...
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