Articles Review: Week Two
|COM 310:Interpersonal Communication| Kimberly Stogdill-Directo
Article 1-On Culture and Socialization
Article 2-Control (Self-Maintenance in Communication)
I chose these articles and chose to use it in an example of culture and socialization between males and females (gender) and discuss more in the following paragraph. The research I used, strongly suggests that there are still and will always be gender-specific communication traits. In my experience, a major requisite for effective intercommunication is making sure the receiver understands the message sent. Effective communication is not so much that I send a message -verbal or nonverbal -but that the person I am communicating with gets the message and responds. If not, miscommunication and misunderstandings may result. An example is when my husband and I have a disagreement over something. It surprises me how this can come from out of nowhere. Another prime example of an underlying cause of miscommunication is obviously due to the many different communication styles, content and method of interpretation of males and females. The interest in and importance of this topic solely, can be found not only in scholarly journals and books, but also in bestsellers. I have the book by Deborah Tannen, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, which is one of the main reasons I chose the two articles, especially the self- maintenance in conversation (including not just the control category, but achievement, opposition, attribution, anger, denial, withdrawal, and prevarication). I do believe I have experienced all of these topics in my marriage, let alone other interpersonal communications. For example, if my husband and I are in an argument, I know I’m right, no, really, because I’ve done the research; yet he still insists on telling me I’m wrong. My blood boils, maybe he knows this. Regardless, I need to work on my fight vs. flight methodology. He is not right, period. I belittle him in my mind for not knowing what I believe everyone would know. My behavior is almost incomprehensible at times concerning my desire to control, my level of anger in a belligerent way, and my actual denial in questioning myself about marrying an idiot. I don’t know how many times I have said something to the tune of, look, this is just not going to work out, blah, blah, blah, you should think about looking for somewhere else to live (knowing this will never happen in my level of commitment). Relationship therapist John Gray's 1992 bestselling book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus explains the difference in communication styles of men and women by humorously suggesting that they are from different planets, and that these differences contribute to communication conflicts. Gray puts forward that men and women often appear to be speaking entirely different languages, even when the vocabulary, syntax, and grammar they use are the same. Deborah Tannen, whose book, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, was on the New York Times Best Seller list for nearly four years and brought gender differences in communication style to the general public. Tannen contends that differences between the communication styles of women and men are the result of more than culture and socialization, but are inherent in the basic make up of each gender. (Tannen, 1990) Taking a more scholarly perspective, Wendy Leeds-Hurwitz contends that among other things, the field of communication includes "the study of meaning, the study of how people convey ideas for themselves and to one another" (Leeds-Hurwitz, p. xv). Saying the same thing may have different meanings for men and for women. (Tannen, 1990) argues that men and women have different styles of conversing, of listening, of talking, and even have different purposes at stake in most conversations. She concludes that...
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