In this essay I will relate my self-portrait called "Always a Woman" to Nietzsche's philosophy of the poles of "Apollonian and Dionysian”, the philosophical dichotomy between free will and primal nature. In relation to Nietzsche, Wikipedia describes Apollonian and Dionysian as: "Apollo (Apollonian): the dream state or the wish to create order, principium individuationis (principle of individuation), plastic (visual) arts, beauty, clarity, stint to formed boundaries, individuality, celebration of appearance/illusion, human beings as artists (or media of art's manifestation), self-control, perfection, exhaustion of possibilities, creation.
Dionysus (Dionysian): chaos, intoxication, celebration of nature, instinctual, intuitive, pertaining to the sensation of pleasure or pain, individuality dissolved and hence destroyed, wholeness of existence, orgiastic passion, dissolution of all boundaries, excess, human being(s) as the work and glorification of art, destruction." (Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dionysian)
The painting is an expression of being a woman at the core of all else. I spend my days in a routine doing the things that I need to. When you live your life as a single mom thousands of miles away from your family, your child’s father and any network of relief your reality changes. Even though I love having my son every day for 90% of the year and would prefer it be 100% and my life is as I want it to be, it is guided by a lot of common sense, rationality, and restraint.
On the other hand underneath it all, the single mother, the grad student, the artist, and the business owner is still a woman, with Dionysian impulses. Even though 90% of the time it's restrained, it's still there and occasionally comes out. When we lived near my sons’ father, he visited him every other weekend, and I was free to be less restrained. I was free to go out with friends, party, skydive, stay out late, wake up late, date, and be completely free. Now, I get...
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