Preview

“My Problem with Her Anger” – Whose Responsibility?

Good Essays
Open Document
Open Document
565 Words
Grammar
Grammar
Plagiarism
Plagiarism
Writing
Writing
Score
Score
“My Problem with Her Anger” – Whose Responsibility?
“My problem with her anger” – Whose responsibility?
Most people go into the marriage in the hope that everything will go as planned, and that they will always get along, especially in the field of responsibilities division between both spouses. Eric Bartels, a feature writer for the Portland Tribune in Portland, Oregon, in his article “My Problem with Her Anger”, seems to encounter a huge trouble when his wife seems to never feel happy with anything he did.
Bartels explains what it feels like to be “on the receiving end of his wife’s anger”. He was trying to help his wife with the chores and with their two kids but it was just not good enough for her. After working many hours, along with those chores, he gets yelled at by his stressed out wife about the things that he did wrong and the things that he could have done right. Bartels ultimately feels that he does not deserve any of her anger because he has not done anything wrong making her the only one with faults and who is being the harsher one in the marriage.
While Hope Edelman’s husband in the previous “single parenthood” story was only bringing money to the home and that was it, Bartels, as far as I’m concerned, seems to be a thoroughly modern husband and father.
Although, as much as I found myself increasingly receptive to his persuasions and sympathetic to his plight, his views regarding gender equality are skewed.
While Bartels does a well job at being understanding of where his wife is coming from with all of her anger, such as “motherhood” and “professional success”, he personally does a poor job at taking any of the blame for the problems in the marriage. As the question 3 below the article says: “Bartels describes his failure to promptly clean the indoor grill, as well as a propensity for leaving dirty underweaar on the floor, as typical “domestic lapses” common to men”, Bartels admits that he made mistakes in the marriage daily life. Leaving his underwear on the floor is not a sign of a

You May Also Find These Documents Helpful

  • Powerful Essays

    In this book, Gottman & Silver (1999) present sound marriage advice based on years of study. Chapters 1 and 2 cover preventing and predicting divorce. They focus on keeping the negatives from outweighing the positives. Creating an emotionally intelligent marriage involves being in touch with your spouse’s emotions (Gottman & Silver, 1999).…

    • 1252 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Powerful Essays
  • Good Essays

    Most couples when found upon the concept of a wedding are not handed a guide book to a successful loving marriage. Couples appear to have a vague understanding of their commitment to marriage. A long life journey full of unexpected surprises, and adjusting accommodations. Eric Bartels, the author of “My Problem With Her Anger,” contends he feels compelled by the division of household work, and the lack of support from his wife. Such as lack of communication and anger management. Conversely, in “The Difference Between a Happy Marriage and Miserable One: Chores,” Wendy Klein, Carolina Izquierdo, and Thomas N Bradbury describe how different couples within a marriage handle chores, depending on a respect for mutual boundaries, support…

    • 505 Words
    • 3 Pages
    Good Essays
  • Good Essays

    Rifkin Animals

    • 366 Words
    • 2 Pages

    them with new eyes that envision equality. Although he carries great insights toward his stand,…

    • 366 Words
    • 2 Pages
    Good Essays
  • Powerful Essays

    Although much of Cloud and Townsend’s (1999) approach to relational health could be easily applied to most human relationships, as the title of the book implies, marriage is the context from which their thesis is explained. Marriage, they contend, is “first and foremost about love” (Cloud and Townsend, 1999, p.9). However, as they are quick to point out, love by itself is simply not enough for a marriage to thrive. They suggest love is assaulted and effectively weakened when freedom and responsibility problems are present within the marital relationship. Additionally, they assert that freedom and responsibility are two vital elements necessary for a healthy and loving marriage relationship. When freedom and responsibility are present within a relationship…

    • 1370 Words
    • 6 Pages
    Powerful Essays
  • Satisfactory Essays

    In Bartels' Essay, “My Problem with Her Anger,” he introduces opinions on marriage and the consequences of anger. Anger is a dangerous emotion that takes control and can damage relationships, so men and women must work together in marriage to resolve conflict peacefully and rely on one another.…

    • 252 Words
    • 2 Pages
    Satisfactory Essays
  • Good Essays

    Bartels states that he has his own daunting demands, from his full-time job to cooking, cleaning,…

    • 409 Words
    • 2 Pages
    Good Essays
  • Good Essays

    When Elizabeth and Sylvie come back from their trip after 3 days, “In the sink was a mountainous pile of dishes.” and the boys are just sitting at the table playing cards instead of cleaning up their mess. Back then she thinks that only women works and men can do whatever they want but now Elizabeth realizes that she was the reason her sons are like that. “All along I bin blamin’ men fer bein’ men. But now I see that oftentimes it’s the women that make them that way”. After she realizes her mistake, she tries to tell her sons to help out in the family, she hopes to at least change them so that when they have a family, they can help out their wives so that in the future generations, women and men have equal standing in the house.…

    • 591 Words
    • 3 Pages
    Good Essays
  • Good Essays

    When most people get married, they go into the marriage with the expectations and hopes that everything will go as planned, that they will always get along, and that the responsibilities will be evenly divided between both spouses. And for two working spouses who have children, they share the expectation that no one parent will be more of a caretaker than the other. Eric Bartels, a feature writer for the Portland Tribune in Portland, Oregon, feels as if he has personal experience as to what it is like to be on the receiving end of his wife’s irrational—or at least in his eyes—anger. Bartels informs his readers of the anger his wife projects on him, which he believes should be saved for people who are portrayed as angry people and who do not tend to care about the people they are taking their anger out on. While Bartels does a well job at being understanding of where his wife is coming from with all of her anger, he personally does not take any of the blame for the problems in the marriage.…

    • 914 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Good Essays
  • Satisfactory Essays

    Lucy, from “Holding Things Together”, is resentful that she must complete all of the work around her and her husband’s house. She does not hold her husband in high esteem, believing…

    • 617 Words
    • 3 Pages
    Satisfactory Essays
  • Better Essays

    Sam and Diane have been married for a few years now and, everything was so perfect in the beginning. There was nothing but plenty of love and romance. Even still, Sam had become more and more demanding of his wife until at a certain point he began demanding robotic perfection of his spouse. It took a few years, but Diane became more and more fed up. She became more and more hypersensitive and hyper-vigilant to anything that Sam said to her so that now, even the slightest criticism would enrage her against Sam which would cause her to remain angered for 24 hours at a time. However, she could not help herself. Her nerves were at their end and did not know any other way to react. Boundaries in Sam and Diane’s marriage were broken. Sam had broken the boundaries of freedom, responsibility, and love (Cloud & Townsend, 1999). Sam had not allowed Diane the freedom of being a human being, treated Diane irresponsibly, and helped in squashing their love. However, Diane, by her actions, had violated the boundary of “self-control” (p.28). If only she had said something like, “If you cannot treat me kindly and as a human being, I will leave the room.” And so, an example of how one spouse can purposely break boundaries and the other inadvertently breaks them. Thus, love is the first ingredient of a marriage, but understanding boundaries in marriage can help keep a marriage intact.…

    • 1367 Words
    • 6 Pages
    Better Essays
  • Good Essays

    Often, by the time a couple enters into marriage counseling the couple has been participation in a cycle of destructive behavior ranging from, anger, hostility criticism, communication issues, and so forth. It is reported that more than 40% of clients who seek psychotherapy of any kind state marital distress and the reason (Gurman and Fraenkal,…

    • 536 Words
    • 3 Pages
    Good Essays
  • Good Essays

    One might argue that the narrator's extreme jealousy is a perfect example of his love and compassion for his wife, although it is this same jealousy that fuels his ego and wont allow him to express his insecurities. For example, "She said another thing about [the guy from the shipping department] and then another and right after the third one I locked myself in the bathroom because I couldn't rage about this anymore"(Pg.767). It is obvious that his refusal to speak to his wife was due to a mixture of his own male pride and his fears of losing her.…

    • 653 Words
    • 3 Pages
    Good Essays
  • Good Essays

    The Painted Door

    • 456 Words
    • 2 Pages

    When both involved do not fully commit to the happiness of each other, a mismatched marriage may lead to discontent for all. Sinclair Ross’s short story, “The Painted Door”, deals with the growing dissatisfaction of a farmer’s wife, Ann, who feels alone as her husband struggles with the harsh conditions of the environment. Ann seeks comfort and companionship from Steven, the attractive friend of her husband, John. The responsibility for John’s death, a shocking result of Ann’s infidelity, lays both on Ann and John.…

    • 456 Words
    • 2 Pages
    Good Essays
  • Powerful Essays

    Case Study PREPARE ENRICH

    • 2615 Words
    • 8 Pages

    When a couple agrees to counseling to help their marriage, one of the first things sought after would be to resolve differences that are weighing heavy on the marriage. In this case, Steve and Cindy have started on a journey through taking the PREPARE/ENRICH program. The tests and answers are detailed to the couples characteristics and personalities and cover the couples strengths and weaknesses. This case study analysis will separate the case into three main topics of discussion. Their strengths and weaknesses will be highlighted first then potential conflicts or problems will be discussed and finally a development plan for support and counseling will be discussed.…

    • 2615 Words
    • 8 Pages
    Powerful Essays
  • Good Essays

    The Story of Us

    • 929 Words
    • 4 Pages

    “The story of us” is an excellent movie that portrays the roller-coaster of marriage in a humorous and cleaver way. The film reiterates the key concepts we have learned in our interpersonal communication class, in particular chapters ten and eleven on conflict management and improving communication climates. According to Gibb people feel defensive when they perceive that they are under attack. When defensive responses arise in interpersonal communications, it is the relationship itself that becomes defensive. This is evident in the Jordan’s communication patterns, the majority of exchanges between Ben and Katie are hostile and resentful. Fighting is not an uncommon sight. Ben is spontaneous, romantic and impulsive, with low frustration tolerance and an explosive hair trigger temper. Katie is pragmatic, a compulsive perfectionist with unrealistic expectations, and a high need for control. She takes everything personally and never forgives or forgets a slight. They both blame each other for their disappointments. The pattern is clear. He doesn't meet her standards so she snipes, he explodes and then she accuses him of not listening. She then throws up every mistake he's ever made and every fault he's ever had. This goes on ad nauseam as their romantic obsession with one another continues to get the best of any sense they might have to call it quits. Like moths to a flame, they keep returning for another scorching.…

    • 929 Words
    • 4 Pages
    Good Essays