I feel it's a crying shame that my own "publisher", MediaGuardian, can't find more columnists (beyond my good self) of that calibre and, like Brick's Mail, start putting a few dozen decent pictures of bikini-clad beauties alongside their thoughts.
Surely even dyed-in-the-wool media standards enthusiasts and Leveson fanciers have pulses somewhere? I mean this pointless mogul-bashing has been going on so long now it's beginning to challenge Peter Jackson's Lord of The Rings trilogy of films for its longevity and dullness. It seems like a lifetime ago we were rubbing our hands with glee as Sienna Miller took the stand. Give us a bit of glamour – surely some of the Sun's page three girls must know something about email scams or blagging?
As many of you might know, Brick and I have a lot in common, so it's no surprise that I not only agree with her whole heartedly in regard to keeping the likes of Mary Moustache off our screens – I've developed Bricking It™ further at Channel 8.
Extensive studies of BARB figures have led me to the considered conclusion that ugliness has no place on the box. But don't take my word for it, look at the numbers – they speak for themselves. The X Factor, for example, which features a bevy of beauties including the girl out of that average quality sex tape, and a parade of nubile young Kack-eoke specialists, regularly draws in excess of 12 million viewers. Watchpup, on the other hand, fronted by the acid-tongued Jan Robertson (who I've never heard sing Lady Gaga's Born This Way or seen wear hotpants in anger) struggles to achieve a third of that audience.
Indeed, with such compelling evidence at my disposal, I have spent the last week rooting out the aesthetically...