Mother Daughter Bond

Topics: Family, Mother, Mothers Pages: 8 (3563 words) Published: March 13, 2011
There are no simple or perfect relationships between mothers and daughters. Relationships are a delicate balance between the love and emotions of two individuals. They are ever changing and evolving, and are each unique as the people in them. Amy Tan’s novels offer an inside glimpse into several intricate mother daughter relationships. Her characters suffer hardships as well as times of joy. There are many similarities in the mother and daughter relationships in the books by Amy Tan. One of the most difficult parts of maintaining a good relationship between mother and daughter is balancing the individual characteristics of each person. Even though daughters are truly a part of their mothers, this definitely does not mean that their personalities are at all similar. In Tan’s novels, the women that the daughters become are amazing. They face many challenges, such as homes with problems or no fathers, little to no money and problems adjusting to the American society, but they still become wonderful people in the end. Sometimes the daughters just want to be different from their mothers, to be their own independent people. This can sometimes be hard for the mothers to accept that their daughters take nothing from them. However sometimes the mothers’ personalities and traits aren’t the best to learn and take from. Many of the mothers in Amy Tan’s novels are having difficult times balancing the people they really are and the face they choose to show. Many of them feel that they have to hide their different Chinese heritage and ugly pasts in order to find acceptance. Lindo found it hard to keep her Chinese face that she loved in America, and before she even arrived, she had to hide her true self (Tan, Luck Club 258). When the mothers try to conceal who they truly are and try to fit in, it is sometimes for their daughters’ benefit. Ying- Ying who tried so hard to please, impress, and not embarrass her daughter, that she has been quiet for so long that she blends into the shadows and her daughter no longer hears her (Tan, Luck Club 67). Even though she was just trying to help by not embarrassing her daughter, she is just hurting her daughter in the end by not only hiding who she truly is, but also not sharing her personality and traditions with her daughter. They fear the rejection and persecution that they faced in China. They want a fresh start in America, even if this requires hiding who they truly are. Some of the traits that the mothers show are not always the best ones. The mothers aren’t perfect; they have negative sides to their personalities. Ruth’s mother, LuLing, got in fights because she didn’t understand others, and they didn’t understand her (Tan, Bonesetter’s 49). Winnie had a hard time forgiving people because of the horrible way she was treated in her past, and this often hurt her daughter (Tan, God’s Wife 22). Waverly’s mother always put her own feelings before her daughter’s, and decided that her daughter would be a prodigy, but whenever Waverly would fall short, her mother would make her feel horrible about herself (Tan, Luck Club 134). The daughters frequently have one common problem, in that they don’t understand their mothers. Whether it is the way that they act or the things that they say, the daughters don’t understand their mothers’ motives, intentions or true meanings. Ruth doesn’t understand how her mother thrives on argument; she turns everything negative, and it only makes her unhappy (Tan, Bonesetter’s 49). Olivia does not see how her mother bounces from man to man, hurting both the men and herself (Tan, Secret Senses 61). Waverly is constantly put down by her mother, and doesn’t know why her mother cannot accept her for who she truly is (Tan, Luck Club 172). The mothers try to hide their true personality from their daughters, only to find this hurts their relationship in the end. Their daughters end up not knowing who their mothers really are, and this ends up deeply hurting the mothers. The mothers...
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