Sometimes I just sit down and rest my face in my hands and think why am I the one to burden my father’s greediness, you know, if I had hands. He literally sold my hands to the devil in order to be rich. Basically, I won’t be able to use the bathroom without help or hold hands with the boy I love or even hold my baby. When my father asked if he could cut my hands off so that he wouldn’t be dragged to the tenth layer of hell for breaking a promise with the devil, I said yes, hoping he would say something along the lines of “No, I love you my daughter. I will go to hell instead of chopping your hands off, because I’d still probably go to the deepest chamber of hell for being the world’s most terrible father”. I would love to slap him for being ignorant, YOU KNOW, IF I HAD HANDS. However, crying over the loss of my hands made the devil not be able to get near me because my tears purified me. As a result, my father told me to live with him, but I refused because I might accidentally murder him for single handedly ruining my life. Nevertheless, if it wasn’t because of his selfish needs, I wouldn’t have met my King or given birth to my son whom I decided to called Sorrowful. I was probably drugged when I named him that because why would anybody name their son Sorrowful? Anyways, everything had a happy ending when I prayed to God, because he returned my hands to their original state and led my King to me when I was banished by false orders from the devil. You’ve got to hand it to me though, this life had it’s ups and downs and I ended up being Queen with a son named Sorrowful, who I’m going to legally change his name to Happiness right after my little rant.
Good - Creates empathy for the character and provides an alternate perspective, audience can tell that the monologue has ended. Good length
Improve – Try to make it flow more, transitions