Imagine you are in Medieval Times, the food, the people, the weapons. The bus ride was long. I could not wait to see the castle, the medieval castle looked like. I was amazed when I got to the castle. You need to work on these sentences to make your writing stronger. “Show me, don’t tell me.” Use sensory words! The last sentence (your thesis) should be 1 sentence. Try combining the last two sentences of this paragraph. Medieval Times is an accurate representation of the Middle Ages. That is because of the food and beverages, weapons, and the extras. Primarily
Good transition and topic sentence.
, the food and beverages were accurate. You had water to drink. The chicken was good and was a little salty, so it was beneficial to have water to drink. Also, at dinner time, a food option was soup or stew. We however Switch these words and insert a comma.
did not have soup or stew because it was lunch time and not dinner. On the other hand, the weapons were realistic. The knight was training his squires with certain weapons. Like the halberd is a combination of a battle-axe and a pike. Also, the bludgeon, a type of mace, was also used. Then they were using swords. Finally, the dagger was used, a small sword. Furthermore, the extras were amazing. The dancing and bowing horse from Saudi Arabia was the best part. The falcon with the bell on his foot was also a tradition of the opening ceremony. The color of the knight’s armor and the horse’s armor also told where they came from. Like the red knight, Baron Ruiz de Roig was from Castilla. Similarly, the black and white knight, Don Iofre Santa Creu was from Santiago de Compostela. That is why I think Medieval Times is an accurate representation of the Medieval era. You do not need to tell me “That is why I think…” The first sentence should be the exact same sentence from your thesis. I think this because of the extras, the weapons and last but not least, the food and beverages. I do think it is a great show to see...
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