Arguing about the same issues
Few of us do like to be told what to do. Hitting each other between the eyes with issues you know you know your partner is insecure about will not help you resolve the issue. The silence or fights that usually follow just perpetuate the cycling of pursuing behavior followed by distancing behavior. Help lead an obstinate partner to make some choices for him\herself. Friends, lovers, and business partners learn what your vulnerabilities and insecurities are just by spending time with you. You can avoid cycling into repetitive arguments by discussing your own fears and areas of vulnerability. Leslie could tell Jim that she worries about being a nag and knows that her request is not nagging just a request for cooperation. The conversation with Jim can continue now. Leslie could further ask what needs to happen first before they attend to chores. Leslie has given Jim room now to make a choice. He might say he wants to pay bills, work out, make love with her, before they clean the house. You want to move toward shared decision making to move away from power struggles. Good friendship, love, and business relationships are built on mutual trust, respect, cooperation and reciprocity. If you are not cooperating with each other, each person must look at themselves and come up with what each willfully says, does or does not say or do that is contributing to the problem. Next, you can discuss what each of you are willing to do to change yourself. All relationships need elasticity to grow over time. Remember that it does take two to tango. A relationship problem is always our problem. Together you create the peacock dances and together problems can be resolved. You show you care about having a healthy relationship when you are willing to rationally and calmly resolve conflicts. Know when to disengage as well as engage in a conversation. When a person is under the influence of substances or too angry to talk, wait for a clear headed time frame...
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