Loving Without Losing Yourself Summary

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I have chosen an article by Allie Ochs. The author is a relationship expert, speaker and author of: “Are You Fit to Love? A radically different approach to successful relationships”. So, the article I’m going to present is called “Loving Without Losing Yourself ”. The author starts her article with the statement “you are prepared to do anything to make love lasts and make it safe but in this process you lose yourself and your romantic relationship becomes all-consuming”. Ochs gives an example with Kyra who fell head-over-heels for Dan and wanted to create a wonderful relationship. She listened to his favourite music, wore less make-up and a conservative wardrobe. She defended his views and even began to talk like him. Kyra didn’t notice but this relationship had sucked the life out of her. Compromises are indeed a necessary ingredient for the success of a relationship but denying the core of who you are is not. The opposite of an all-consuming relationship is a half-hearted one. You withhold affection because you fear that you will give more love than you will receive. That’s why you put your partner on probation and control the power in the relationship. “I love you if you love me first” has become a common trend. But this conditional view creates emotional insecurity. Both all-consuming and half-hearted relationships are guided by fear. In an all-consuming one - fear of not being loved and in a half-hearted one - fear of being hurt. The number one reason for losing yourself in a relationship is that you believe that love is something you either deserve or not! This leads you to do anything to get love and even more to hold onto it. You modify your identity to gain approval and love from your partner. You hold back intimacy to protect your vulnerability. The author asks - is there a happy medium? To love wholeheartedly without losing yourself requires a different perspective of relationships. If you want a partner who really loves you, you should ask yourself...
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