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Love Myself First

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Yesterday, my friend and I were talking about our life until i dont know how and why came to the point that we started talking about my biggest insecurity-- my bf's ex-girlfriend. Hmm, I can't point out exactly why I am insecure or jealous. Maybe is it because they've been together for so long? or is it maybe because she's prettier and smarter? I don't really know. I've been overthinking lately (I know, I know its not healthy) but i cant help it. And last night i had this "realistic" dream.

It was about me and my bf... breaking up. It felt like it was so true. That my bf's ex-girlfriend started talking to him but he said he doesnt wana talk. but the girl kept asking him stuff and my bf was acting flirty and just gave her his signature "kilig" smirk. I saw him so happy that time, that smile that ive never seen before. So i told him that I'm letting him go. I didnt let him say a thing, i just left and held back my tears. Believe it or not, I really felt the sadness. I felt like my heart was torn into pieces. I couldnt speak anymore. I just felt so alone.but i stayed strong.. For myself. And so the next day, i heard from a friend that my bf was talking shit about me, he said that i just used him to get all the things i want. It was so painful. but i still didnt say a thing. I walked away and looked for a job. I worked so hard and as soon as i got my paycheque, i gave it to my bf's mom to pay back all the things he has given me. I was still in shocked and everything was pulling me down. So wheb i had the time to just cry, i talked it out to a friend. I cried and cried til i got okay.... then..

I woke up. My heart was pounding, i was so scared, i had tears in my eyes, i felt the sadness and loneliness, and most of all, I felt the same thing all over again when i found out he was secretly talking to his ex 3 days after my birthday. okay you might ask, "so what if he's talking to his ex?" Here's the deal... I have nothing against it. Seriously. And i dont care...