When I was a little girl my daddy always talked to me as he did when I was a lot older. He would say, “Are you always gonna be daddy's little girl and never grow up and leave daddy.” I would say, “No daddy I would never leave you or mommy.” “Do you promise forever?”
I would always say, “Yes daddy never ever will I leave you.” I realize now that I did not know what forever meant.
I know now that I truly did not know forever would come. It has came and went and I am still depressed as can be. The tears still flood my eyes when I see something that reminds me of him like a picture or something it just breaks me into. I am hurting still. I wish forever would never had come. I would have stayed little my whole life through, but I know now that forever has come and I have no daddy still. I hate it with all my heart, as it breaks me. I miss my daddy so much and I wish I had never grown up and could be a child forever. I know that it is just inevitable that this day will come and I will no longer have a mother, just in my heart where my daddy lives and my brothers and sisters lost. I am truly aching in my heart and I feel, so empty and doing anything to try and fill this empty void. It is worse than a c -section waking up from surgery and having a void where that baby was and no longer feeling her. I felt so empty at that time in my life when the doctor said I was going to die and my baby would never make it. My father came with my mother then and I was hundreds of miles away in the military all alone. I laid in that hospital bed for months trying not to die an not leave a child to take my place. It was horrible when they left and the first time I had seen them together for years. I was, so glad that they could come but by the time for them to go and I was still where they found me in that hospital all alone. I remember just like yesterday how he looked so very young, and at the end he was like a child just spitting his teeth out and handing them to me to...
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