Lifes Bullshit

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When it comes to high school, there are many things students look forward to: more freedom, more friends, and more parties. But what we think is going to be all fun and games is less about friendships and more about grade-deciding projects. Indeed, high school is very much filled with major essays and late night projects as it is under-aged drinking and teen pregnancy. So when you’ve stayed out late at that kegger with Bobby and you realize you have a six page midterm paper due the next day, what are you going to do? Answer: Bullshit your essay.

So many times I have seen kids try their best on an essay; staying up all night and slaving away at their computer in order to make up their own book themes or original ideas. These kids are what we call heroes. And for those of us that have a social life and don’t want to spend 35 minutes searching for an underlying theme in Huckleberry Finn, we need to find a way to crank out a six page paper without actually, necessarily, working. So for those of you who hate typing and despise research, I give you my four easy tips to bullshitting an essay.

Tip #1: Never try to be creative/original.
The book Huckleberry Finn was published in 1884. That means that for over 120 years people have been analyzing and studying it; creating hundreds of thousands of themes and symbols. Use one. There is no use in trying to think up your own theme or un-thought-of symbol, because some hero probably thought of the same thing in 1930. Please, for the sake of saving yourself time and effort, use someone else’s theme. There are hundreds of them.Where do you find underlying themes and symbols already laid out and explained to you? Sparknotes.com. I have been using Sparknotes for years now, and it has never failed me yet. The website has all the major pieces of reading you will ever be assigned in school, and has a quick summary, analysis of each chapter, important quotes, themes, symbols, and character list; everything essential to writing a...
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