Life Event

| Life Event 1 | | | Brian Grigg | Hums 20606/20/2013Harrisburg Area Community College My event began years before the actual event occurred. My stepson had been diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder when he was seventeen years old. He was also exhibiting the signs of alcoholism, which ran in the family. His biological father had died from cirrhosis of the liver at the age of thirty seven years old. His mother and I were both recovering addicts, and argued constantly over whether we should use tough love (me) or enable him (her). I was just his stepfather; she was his mother so I would always follow her lead eventually. Over the next thirteen years he abused alcohol and would steal from us or his sisters to get his alcohol, or to drive our cars without permission. He ended up in prison numerous times for violating his probation, so much so he was on a first name basis with the correction officers at the county prison. The event happened on December fourteenth, 2005. I was awakened at five thirty A.M. by the warden of Lancaster County Prison, and notified that my son had committed suicide in his cell at four A.M. by hanging himself. I went into hysterics immediately and handed the phone to my wife who also lost it. I don’t remember much of that day except that it was our sons thirty first birthday, and that he surely wouldn’t have killed himself on this day, but he had. The significance of this event for me was that it forced me to learn how to allow myself to express my feelings properly. You see before when I lost someone close to me I would just get high and numb the feelings of anger, low self-esteem, loneliness, and having to make sound decisions. Now I had to actually go through these feelings without using, it was scary and there were times I thought about using, but didn’t. I grew emotionally through the process, but I also started to speak openly and honestly with my family which caused friction amongst us. In the micro level I needed to identify what my needs were at that moment. I remember calling some people and asking what I should be doing. They were helpful by telling me to be there for my wife and kids, and to keep calling people to talk about what I was going through. They also suggested I see a therapist to help process my feelings. In the mezzo level I needed to keep going to my A.A. meetings and let those people help me get through each day without using. As for my marriage things were not going well. We started to blame each other for our son’s death, and anyone else. My daughters were falling apart as were our son’s wife and step children. Remember it was his birthday, and Christmas was two weeks away. We had a funeral to plan and also be there for our children and grand children. I was a total mess. In the macro level I needed to start accessing all of the support systems that were available to me to help me and my family get through this tragedy. I called our pastor who was helpful spiritually, and helped in the planning. Our church family brought us cooked meals, and I made an appointment to see a psychologist to help me deal with my feelings of anger, resentment, and blaming issues that were weighing on me like a thousand pound weight. After getting through all of the events that come with the death of a loved one, I started to see a psychologist once a week. We discussed and worked on all of the issues at the time and I came to the conclusion that I still felt it was my wife’s fault, and that I could no longer stay in our marriage. This was not an easy decision, and I talked to my wife about my decision. She was very upset, but at the time she had stopped living herself. She had quit her job as a counselor, and didn’t want to do anything to help her deal with all of our issues. Needless to say we divorced after twenty one years of marriage. I have gone on to help others who suffer from the disease that contributed to my son’s death, as well as being involved within the fellowships. I have gone on to attend college, and hopefully will graduate this fall. I truly believe none of these things would have occurred if I hadn’t lost my son. I live today for him and through him so others don’t have to be alone when things look bleak. As for my ex-wife and I, we are the best of friends today. We talk often, and deal with our daughters issues as a team when they arise. I’m closer to God today than I ever was before this event occurred, and I look forward to growing even more in my walk with the Lord, so he can guide me to those who I might be able to help. | |

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