Letter of Advice

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DJMcCart

Being able to openly communicate with each other is not at all times the easiest thing to do, especially when an argument is involved and tempers are flaring. Marriage revolves around love, happiness, trust, and communication. There will be times when one of you will say and do the wrong thing and being able to get through it together will set you on the right path to a satisfying marriage. You will become your own little family once you say “I Do” and there will be a lot of outside help that will try to give you advice, but you need to follow your heart and do what is best for you and your spouse instead. Just remember the first 5 years are the hardest because you are both adjusting to a life as one instead separate. Communication is a very big part of having a successful marriage and will be the one thing you will constantly have to work on. I know from experience how important this topic can be. My first marriage was lacking in it and it ended up being in divorce. I cannot stress how important it is to talk to each other whether it is verbal or nonverbal. Not many people realize how important nonverbal can be, whether it is as innocent as just walking into the house from work and you smile and wave or even give a kiss before relaxing or how you move your hands during an argument to try to get your point across the your spouse. Author Kathy Soles states, “In fact, researchers have found that you tend to rely more heavily on visual communication, rather than words, in times of stress” (2011). I am going to have to agree to this statement for the fact that when people do argue they use a lot of gestures so we tend to focus more on those then anything else. It also is not good if you end up miscommunicating with your gestures by saying one thing and then doing another. Your spouse could take it the wrong way and then the fight with just get to be ten times much worse than when it started. You can end up raking your hand through your hair as a way to get your body to relax, but to the other person it could be a sign of frustration. Even the smallest of gestures could end up being taken for the wrong thing. To fix this problem just let each other know if something is wrong and explain it as calmly as you can. If you feel yourself getting worked up then breathe and take a 5 minute break and then resume where you left off without raising voices. Another thing you should watch out for when communicating is watching how your tone of voice is when you are speaking and make sure to use the correct words. Sometimes if you are arguing and you use the wrong word it can set you back to square one and you are going to have to try to figure out how to get fix that mess as well. I know during arguments thing can get pretty heated real quickly and once you become frustrated you tend to raise your voice when you do not mean it. I know with my husband when I am frustrated with something I am doing and he just talks to me I do get irritated and snap at him. Instead of calmly saying “what?” I snap and say “WHAT?” instead and he thinks I am mad at him when I really am not. Once that happens he tends to get an attitude and fires right back at me and instead of apologizing I get even madder because of how he was speaking to me when I realize it was my fault to begin with because I did not apologize right away. I just basically let it all happen and it all just spiraled out of control because I took my irritation out on him instead. That is something that you will tend to do a couple more times and all you need to do is just focus and apologize and let them know you are not mad at them you are just frustrated with yourself and took it out on them when it was the wrong thing to do. “Having a large vocabulary gives you more word choices, so you can use the most accurate and most appropriate language possible when you send interpersonal communication messages” (Soles, 2011). When talking sometimes a word will not come to you no matter...
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