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internal locus of control

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internal locus of control
Upon finishing the two exercises, I have concluded that external locus of control plays a huge part in my life. I found multiple correlations between the two scores, I have always taken everything lightly and I have procrastinated until the last minute to do things, I have told lies on why I couldn’t do the work multiple times to my instructors, I lack motivation to follow through with my plan of action (Trust me I have made a lot of those). I feel like something is missing from my life which makes me feel empty, honestly I don’t even know if I have external or internal locus of control. I know what I’m doing wrong but I can’t seem to fix it.

First of all one of the largest locus of control I have had was from my ex-girlfriend. This was difficult time in my life since I had no control over myself, I was basically a dog “she would say jump” I would say how high. One of worst decisions I have probably ever made, when we were together she would always come to my house before school even were started so we can skip school and do our shenanigans. In the first year her mom found out about us and being from a Muslim family’s, it is frowned upon to have relationships before marriage. Tania had given me an ultimatum to either talk to her mom or she would have broken up with me, now this was single handedly the worst decision I have ever made in my life so far when I went to her mom to ask her for hand in marriage. Her mother said yes since at that time I had a lot going for me, but plot twist Tania now tells me she had been cheating on me for a while. Now I feel like a complete dumb*ss since I just talked to her mom and this gets dropped on me, she somehow convinces me to get back with her and “how it won’t happen again” and I drunk in love believed it. Guess what it did happen again and again and again, I had fallen in love with a hussy. I ended it there and soon after I went into a deep depression, I couldn’t concentrate in school or work so my parents were forced
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