Information Technology in Purchasing Department

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Hi, this my essay for a scholarship the essay prompt is the following:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit) *

Can someone help me revise it grammatically or how I can answer the question better?

Thanks a bunch for correcting my other writings, I know I've been terribly annoying today with my essays. ____________________________________________________________


"Look, mi hija," said an aged woman to the little who watched me intently as I stirred chemicals in a vial. "See, you should be like that, too. I bet she's very smart." I smiled nervously at the elderly woman and said, "Muchas gracias, Señora." The woman's eyes widened proportionally as she said to me incredulously, "And she's Hispanic too!"

I was in eighth grade, in a minority dominated junior high school, when I won over all first place winner of my middle school Science Fair. To say I felt completely and incandescently happy would be an understatement. The joy I felt was ineffable. I felt like I had won the Miss Universe award, just better because I was actually smart. Truth be told, that, I feel, has been my greatest achievement. I've won other awards throughout high school and I've been invited to become a member of honor societies as well, but I never felt so good about myself than when I won that science fair.

That day and that achievement will remain in my heart always for a reason that, inexplicably, has nothing to do with winning. The surprise in that woman's eyes that day made me reflect on my racial ethnicity and how we were looked at from the rest of the world's perspective when it came to the academics. The look I had received that day from that little old lady said some thing loud and clear to me: "How could you be Hispanic and smart?"

As painful as that realization was, it was the truth. I had realized that, aside from that woman, many people here...
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