What hours do you work? Maybe…9-5? How about you tried 12-12; is that fair?
Obviously not. I mean, if you were to get offered those hours for a normal job, 7 days a week, you would laugh in their face. Me though, I have no choice.
What is that light; turn it off! Don’t I even get a snooze? Well, I suppose I am used to it, nevertheless I wish he wouldn’t rush in and perch on me like I’m nothing. It’s only 6 o‘clock, the time I expect to be woken up by Robert stopping off for his customary morning pit stop before he embarks on his arduous day at work. I know his secret for losing weight; curries. Or at least their the vibes I’m getting from the horrible mess he discharges into me every morning.
Wow, his exceeded his own standards this morning; I’m going to choke in a minute. Understand my pain Robert, flush the chain before the next influx arrives, and the air fresheners right next to you give it a spray, come on Robert! It’s like someone is shooting constant machine gun bullets into my basin. Hoping I was though, that it would come to an abrupt end, yet it didn’t, until a final ‘Plop’. Thankfully he was done.
How rude? As always, he left me without cleaning me. Yes I understand you’re in a rush, but would you hurry off without cleaning yourself? Show me some respect, what have I ever done to you? Stuck with you through thick and thin that’s what I’ve done, a hugely faithful being. I should be treated with the same manners as anyone else in this family; I’ve been here long enough.
Does it look like I’ve shrunk? Well it feels like I have. Fine I was, when I arrived here, much shorter now though. Although I do have my reasons; who wouldn’t shrink if they had a size 38 Robert sitting on their head for 10 minutes, 3 times a day. His sneaky looks in the Jacamo catalogue haven’t eluded me.
There is a surprisingly good side to my job though, as the majority of the time I just get to chill out and relax, there’s just the...