Illusive Infatuation

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Illusive Infatuation
Growing up I did not believe in the concept of love and long term relationships. My family members consisted of mainly single women. All of which were bitter and unable to maintain healthy relationships with men. Divorce seemed to be second nature to me. My mother along with several other close female members have all been married three or more times. This made me want to stray away from relationships and love in general. As I got older I realized that most of the time they seemed to rush into love based off early infatuation, lust, and their biological clocks ticking. I have learned from all of their situations. I realized that many people, not just in my family, marry quickly based off “love at first sight.” It seems many don’t seem to take the time to know the person they are committing to. It makes me wonder what the rush is all about. I have decided to put a three year waiting period on any relationships I enter. I want to make sure I know someone and that I am marrying for more than love and infatuation. I do not want to fall in the deception of confusing “puppy love” with the real thing.

I have based my realizations off of my personal experiences. I do wonder if there have been accounts of people marrying in short periods of time and actually staying together for 20 or more years. I have heard of instances of arranged marriages working out in that manner but most were kept for political or family reasons. I have yet to see a genuine story of a couple marrying during the fascination phase of early relationships and actually staying together. I would like to explore more into the depths of how and why we fall in love. Is it possible for someone such as myself to find happiness even when I have only seen the negative outcomes in relationships? Is loneliness the better option? As a child of a divorcee, it led me to feel hopeless and apprehensive towards commitment. In Eve LaPlante’s article entitled “Breakfast” she states that: “Like many offspring of divorce, I grew up with a poignant sense of loss. Besides the trauma of the breakup and its aftermath, there’s the prolonged pain of missing one parent and the security of an intact family. During my teens, I dreamed of a future happy family, but believed my chances of ever attaining one were infinitesimal. I felt inadequate as a potential marital partner; my parents’ divorce served as a scar.” (LaPlante, 476 ) This excerpt was comforting. This was exactly how I felt through most of my younger years all the way up until adulthood. I felt hopeless and considered any relationships that I pursued to be temporary. LaPlante, however, isn’t discouraged for long. She ends up falling in love. This article is actually written fifteen years after marrying her soulmate. She says her success is based off of “the ability to be grateful for comparative happiness (LaPlante,476 ).” I took this to mean that even though marriage is not perfect, if they compared their happiness to others they would be satisfied. This article definitely made me feel as if there is still hope for my own romantic future. The fact that her outlook went from a bitter young woman that dreaded the idea of marriage and was “almost turned off marriage forever” (LaPlante,476) to a charismatic happily married woman is astounding. She states that “Marriage is good for my body as well as my soul. I like my physical self more than I did before. David finds me beautiful, which helps me feel beautiful. To be  known by him is part of the pleasure: we have nothing to hide. I find every human detail of him delightful, no less so as we age (LaPlante,477).” It gives me the feeling that my past does not have to determine my future. My outlook can change.

Even with the success shown in LaPlante’s article I do realize that those results are not always typical. Is loneliness the better solution? It would allow me to skip over the failures, heartbreaks, and all the awkwardness in between. In the...
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