Brush your teeth, I say!
Here is a persuasive speech that I wrote for AP Language and Composition earlier this year. It's about oral hygiene and has a humorous twang.
A man with rotting, discolored teeth approached me on the streets of Boston yesterday. He approached me and ranted to me, for what seemed like hours, about “his cause,” and why I should donate to it. I stood their dazed as his brown teeth, hanging from purple gums, spewed yellow saliva into my face. I did not recoil, I did not complain, and I did not listen to a single word he said – I was too fixated on the bacteria breeding and brewing under his gray, scaly tongue. Finally, he ended his eloquent speech and offered me his outstretched palms. I gave him a toothbrush and walked away.
Some people might call me a miser for such an action – but I can assure you that giving him a toothbrush was the nicest possible thing that anybody could have done for his cause. Sure, I could have given him a few coins or bills, but then how could I be certain that he would practice good dental hygiene? Instead, I took the paintbrush of cleanliness and colored his brown teeth white, his purple gums pink, and his yellow saliva clear. In fact, I did a service to everybody by giving him that toothbrush – no more will they be assaulted by the pungent odors of his ramblings – instead, what awaits them is a sensual massage of minty-fresh aromas. Such an improvement will surely increase the number of donations his charity receives.
It goes without saying that you should brush your teeth at least twice a day. Some dentists suggest three times, and a zealous tooth-crusader might recommend eight, but twice is sufficient. Twice is necessary.
Statistically, most of you probably brushed your teeth this morning, and will brush them tonight, and have done so for years upon years. Good. Continue to do so. Statistically, however, there is a fraction of you who do not regularly brush your teeth, or commonly find themselves...
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