I was raised with Christian beliefs, but I had a difficult time with my faith in my younger days. I was also self-centered and boastful. I tried things that are considered rebellious, and most of the time I easily gave in to dangerous and alluring things. I followed my heart where it led me. I started to watch pornography when I was 11. I committed a “one night stand” when I was 16. From time to time I watched nude videos, and, as time went by, the church, my family, and school became much less important to me. Before I knew it, my whole life was wrapped up in vanity.
In school, even though I was an above-average student, because I was a people pleaser, I kept trying to improve myself to earn love and respect from everyone around me. I used to pretend that I was better than everyone. As far as I can remember, I had also been fascinated with searching for "the meaning of life." Growing up, I attended church almost every Sunday. I read almost the entire Bible, but I didn't really understand it.
But inspite of who I was back then, various people kept on prophesying over me, saying that I would become a pastor someday. However, I kept on saying in my mind, “What?! Pastor? Duh! It’s Jologs! Baduy!” Many times I refused to accept it, to the point that I even rebuked it. For me, Pastors were not fashionable and they don’t care about how they look.
One day, in my loneliness, I spoke to God and asked for His help. I believe His answer came when I attended my first youth camp on April 29, 2007. It was during an altar call that I heeded His call and felt God moving wonderfully in a loving and powerful way. A great peace came into my heart. Though my circumstances did not change immediately, still I got great peace and joy in my heart. No words could ever express what I felt that day as I knelt and cried before the Lord. For the first time in my life I felt that God was present in my life. It was a very strange feeling for me. I felt very peaceful. I wanted this...
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