How Do Men Build Resilience?

Most men think of themselves as confident and capable of meeting life's challenges head on. They often pride themselves on being better drivers, fixers, and problem-solvers. Men tend to get their confidence boosts from comparing themselves and their accomplishments to other men. Building resiliency in men often comes with a surprise to most men, because what men tend to think of as strength is often what makes them less resilient.

Resilience is the ability to adapt to and overcome adversity. As men grow through the stages of boyhood and face the stages of manhood, resilience is the manifestation of being emotionally and psychologically able to cope with and navigate through life's obstacles, pitfalls, and setbacks. Resilience requires adaptation, and adaptation requires change. The problem is that most men resist change and depend on their rigid beliefs and habits to get through life. This sort of rigidity makes them less resilient and more vulnerable to stress, anxiety, and depression. Many of these men get caught up in using alcohol or drugs as a means of coping.

Fear of emotions is often at the root of a man's need to hold onto rigid ways of thinking and behaving. The notion that men cannot display any sort of
Oak trees grow huge and sturdy. The rigid trunk of an oak tree is needed to support its massive, heavy branches. The oak tree also has strong roots to hold the tree firmly in place. However, when hurricane force winds blow across an island few oak trees can survive without uprooting, breaking, splitting or losing their branches. The mistake men often make is to believe that being like an oak tree, standing unyielding and rigid in their beliefs, daily habits and "ways of getting the job done," is how they must prove their manhood. Under stress and in the face of pressure, these men experience high levels of anxiety and self-doubt which can uproot and destabilize them