Hope Is a Walking Dream

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Dreaming is a pastime I hold dear to me. From as long as I could remember, I wasI’ve always been a dreamer. My adventurous nature led me to “distant lands” in my childhood playtimes and my curiosity about life was incredibly strong from the get go. My mind would dream and my heart, soul and body would follow. GOOD! Often those creative adventures would lead me out into nature where the beauty and danger of creation would speak to me. Whether I played the princess, the damsel in distress or the hero that saves the day, I embodied unbridled enthusiasm. I loved the freedom and fun of creating, inventing, and role-playing with my childhood friends. NEW PARAGRAPH

I believe it is in these times that one’s spiritual journey is truly awakened. From early on in my life, I had a keen sense of a higher power so great and beyond myself that I longed to find out what or who that was. I realize now that God was always there, holding out His arms of love just waiting for me to embrace Him. GOOD! Spiritual formations of truth....

Seeds of faith were planted in my heart from day one, as I was fortunate enough to have parents who were committed to taking us to church regularly. We owned Bibles, said grace periodically and were encouraged to say evening prayers. Unfortunately, we didn’t have too many opportunities to nurture those truths in our day-to-day life when needed, so doubt eventually turned to skepticism. Looking back I do have fond memories of the stories of Jesus but over time,-worldly logic and the desire for the tangible won over. Bible stories were merely seen as a conglomeration of mixed up, hard to fathom fairytales. Through life’s busyness, the dreamer was dying inside. My Girl Scout beginnings were being choked out by the pain of relationships deteriorating. Soul cravings gone bad.....

Amidst going to church and having a Bible besides my bed, were occult experimentations crepteping into my young life. This slippery slope invaded my soul when I exposed myself to horror movies, horoscopes, and eventually playing with the Ouija board at sleepover parties in elementary school. I remember longing for answers and sitting anxiously with my friends for something to happen. We would ask the board to spell out answers to our questions --. Seemingly innocent questions like “Will I have a boyfriend...W, will I get married... H, how many children will I have?” and then watching it spell out “Yes”, “No” or letters of a name. NEW PARAGRAPH

I can recall the hunger that was within to connect with the spiritual realm. Unfortunately, the deceptiondeceptions is great out there to steer us from the Truth. Because of my young impressionable soul opening the door to the occult, I experienced nightmares, fear and voices in my head for years to come even after I stopped participated in those dark things. All the while going to church, going through confirmation classes and youth group activities. Although I agree with the adage “sin is sin,” when I willfully opened myself up to a spiritual realm that is not of a holy God, but of the other side, a door was opened to torment my soul in a greater way. NEW PARAGRAPH

Because of my church background, I knew that the cross was a symbol of hope. I would go to fleae markets with my dad and often bought crosses to display on my dresser. It was as if I was creating some sort of a shrine. The darkness I felt in my room most nights though was was almost too much to bear. Sometimes I would reach for my Bible and hold it to my chest as if by osmosis it was going to do something! I was aAfraid to tell anyone of my experiences for fear of being judged. (LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR COMPLETE & INCOMPLETE SENTENCE TENDENCIES) Putting on the masks,.....

I learned early on to hide my emotions, to put on masks, put on the masks by hiding my emotions, to try to be all things to all people so I could to either get my way or to appease others. The love, acceptance, security and significance I...
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