Homosexuality Satire

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The following is a response to Christopher Walker from North Carolina who writes: « Dear Dr. Phil, my son has recently confided in me that his best friend is a homosexual, and I am trying to find good reasons why he should immediately stop hanging around with him. Can you help? Thank you very much.

Sincerely yours,
Christopher Walker. »
April 1st, 2008
Dear Christopher, thank you so much for writing me so many questions! I’m writing you back to this particular one not because your other ones were pointless and it was getting rather annoying, but because I personally believe that this one MUST be discussed for everyone to see. I must say I am impressed with your initiative on this subject. Letting your son be around a homosexual friend would be a big NONO! I mean, let’s be logical here, that would put your son at risk on so many different levels! For starters, everyone knows homosexuals are unnatural! America always rejects unnatural things, sort of like interracial marriage. Seeing a black man with a white woman is absurd. Another reason why you should not let your son hang out with a homo is because of the gaygue. Yes, the gaygue is a highly contagious disease: when you are too near a homosexual, you turn gay! It’s hitting millions of victims in North America as we speak like a giant pandemic, sort of like the plague did long ago. Could you imagine Christopher, just the influence that this unethical presence around your son would project? Letting your son have a homosexual friend is like letting your son take candy from a stranger! Being his friend, your son would be encouraged to all kinds of crazy behaviour! Would you want your son to turn out a pedophile! I think not. Did you know 99.9% of pedophiles are homosexuals!? There is no such thing as a straight pedophile! Okay, I won’t exaggerate, there are maybe 0.1% of them. But the point remains: no one wants a Micheal Jackson present in their families, no sir. Another factor of which your son may be...
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