Holding My Mom's Hand

Technically speaking, my Mom is old -- she is in her 70s now. She once used to be a woman full of life and laughter. All of that changed after my Dad passed away about ten years ago. Although they were not what you would call a "lovey dovey" couple, Mom did take his sudden death quite badly. She became a bit of a recluse and more of a worrier. To   make matters worse, my brother decided to relocate to another city.   Mom decided to stay behind with her sister.

Whenever my Mom comes over to stay with me for some time (I live with my husband and his parents), she always demands constant attention from me. She generally gets nostalgic of the good old times we used to spend together discussing books, cooking, or life in general. Sometimes it turned into a cribbing session. "You never spare time for me anymore" or " I have become useless to everyone" or " You don't care enough for me now".   I always used to retort with "Oh, Mom, please don't start all over again" or sometimes rudely remark, "How can you expect me to do the things we used to do together years ago. There is no time for such things anymore." Mom would become silent, probbaly because she had resigned herself to the way things are now. I could sense I had hurt her but there was little I could do, or so I thought at the time.

Then it struck me. I always try to be nice to people at work. I do random acts of kindness for strangers. I sometimes surprise an old friend with a phone call. But what have I done for my Mother? Why is it that I am so reluctant to hold her hands in front of others? Is it because I am embarassed to be labelled as "mama's girl" at my age?   Well, I am no longer young myself. Is it because I have taken my Mom for granted because her days are done?

Today was yet another manic day. Mom was about to have her breakfast all alone at the table. She was looking at me with a forlorn look as I was going about doing my own thing, getting ready for work. I had so many things on my mind --... [continues]

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