Holden 10 Years Later

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Holden, Ten Years Later
"Allieeeee, Allieeeee, please, don’t go, come back to me, don’t go, I’ll play with you, I promise, pleaseeeeee". I guess it’s another one of those nights. When are these goddam nightmares going to stop? I dream about Allie about twice a week and I have no idea why. It’s basically the same dream every single time, and quite honestly it’s becoming a true pain. We are both on this vomity looking colored boat, and Allie jumps into the waters and as he is being enveloped by the tides, I just scream "Allieeeee, Allieeeee, please, don’t go, come back to me, don’t go, I’ll play with you, I promise, pleaseeeeee". Like screaming is going to do any good. I can never bring myself to actually jumping in those cold waters and pulling my brother from the fierce grip that is taking him away from me. I can’t believe how cold hearted I can be sometimes. I mean I loved him and all, and I really want him back, but, I don’t know. I really don’t know anything anymore. Once you have failed in as many aspects of life as I have, you’d understand. I mean, I can imagine myself walking into a pub and going up to this beautiful 26 year old woman named Barbara or some other intellectual name, who probably graduated from college with a 4.0 GPA, went to Africa or India to help the poor, and now is working on a cure for cancer. She’d be reading a very heartfelt letter written to her by one of the people she helped, and I’d go there and say something stupid like "Hey there, my name is Holden Caulfield, I’m a 26 year old college drop out, who barely finished high school, I work part time as a lifeguard and part time as a fire fighter, I live alone in a 400 square foot apartment, I’ve been to a mental rest homes and by the way I’m a great lover”, and all this time she’d be looking at me with complete disgust, trying to avoid me. You know, and say something like, "Listen, you seem like a really nice guy but I’m sort of going out with somebody else. That just kills me....
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