My name is Chandra and I will be your tutor today.
Summary of Writing:
This essay is a persuasive essay focusing on three ways humans have caused global warming: energy usage, deforestation, and industries.
Strengths of the writing:
Abigail, this essay includes information from research: Global warming is greatly impacted by these factors all caused by man, and according to the ‘’National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), statistics show the since May 2013, the average daily carbon dioxide in the air had reached a concentration of 400 parts per million, and these changes have been caused by human activity.’’ When you include information such as this, the reader gets a clearer picture of what others are saying about this topic.
Right now, this draft does not have many details. This is a problem because readers need specifics to help them understand this topic fully. To improve this draft, add additional details. Readers need specific details to support the argument made in this paper. Each point mentioned needs to be explained with details or examples. The goal, when revising, is to find places in the paper where more specifics can be added.
Here's one way to do this:
* Go back through the paper, looking for any places specifics can be added. * Add descriptions or examples that back up the points.
* Decide where to put examples and then introduce and explain each example. This helps the reader understand why that particular example connects to the overall message of the paper. * It might help to think of it as an example “sandwich”: each example (the filling) needs to be surrounded by words (the bread). Using words around examples helps the reader understand why that particular example connects to the overall message (thesis) of this paper. * Here's an example. Your text is in black and my suggestions are in blue font: As increasingly popular crude oil and coal is to produce energy,...
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