Funny Wedding Toast

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Wedding Toast (All names in this toast are made up)

When Dave asked me to be his best man, I told him it would be an honor but I thought he might be better off with someone else…

Then he offered me ten bucks, and I told him I wasn't a man that could be bought… Then he offered me twenty bucks…

So anyway, good evening ladies and gentlemen, my name is Joe and it is my honor to be Dave's best man for the day…

I must say I was a little worried about making this speech today, but then I found out the kind of things I was supposed to say as the best man. I learned that my duty was not only to remember the wedding ring and make sure Dave got to the wedding on time, but also to spend 5 minutes at the wedding reception demolishing Dave's character. And I'm not one to shun my duties, so here it goes…

No, but seriously this is a great honor and I'd like to thank Dave for asking me to be his best man and congratulate him and Susan on their marriage. He also promised that if I do a good job today I can be the best man at his next wedding.

I've known Dave for a long time now, and he can be described as hardworking, honest, intelligent, helpful, a great football player, and kk…kkk… sorry Dave I can't read your handwriting.

Now that I told you some things about Dave's personality, I will tell you some stories about his past.

Dave was born on January 8, 1976, and grew up in New Jersey. He moved to Indiana in 2003, his 8th grade year. Despite not having any classes together we became friends almost immediately. Dave excelled in both school and athletics. He played football, lacrosse, and wrestled. Even though Dave got good grades in school, he wasn't always the smartest guy. An example of this is when we went out for pizza and the waiter that was serving us asked Dave if he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 8 pieces. Dave said that he wanted 4 because he didn't think he could handle 8.

All through high school Dave and I played sports together, had...
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