Funny Short Story (Three Year Old Mastermind)

Topics: Toilet, Sleep, Outhouse Pages: 2 (485 words) Published: May 14, 2013
Three Year Old Mastermind

The Life of any three year old is the epitome of the newly popularized acronym “YOLO” meaning: You Only Live Once. It’s all about living for the now and if a three year old wants to do anything, they want to do it now.

With that said, my story begins on a quiet Sunday evening. Everyone had already been put to bed, even Mom and Dad, but I wasn’t sleepy at all! I rolled out of bed and toddled toward the kitchen in the hopes of finding something good to eat. At this point, it is anyone’s guess as to what possessed me that lead to the following events.

I managed to crawl up the shelves of our pantry, retrieve the honey, and totter back across the house, into my parents’ bathroom, to squeeze honey all over mom’s toilet seat.
Now, let’s think about this from my mom’s point of view. She woke up hours later needing to use the commode. By this time it’s probably about 3am. Still half asleep, she trudged drowsily into the lavatory without bothering to turn on the lights. Moments later a short, high-pitched squeal erupted from the loo. She flipped on the bathroom light to investigate why her derrière had momentarily stuck to the seat of her “porcelain throne”. In a rush of confusion and groggy haste, she cleaned up the mess and went back to bed.

The next night, three-year-old-me proceeded to snatch the honey from the pantry and shuffle in the sneakiest way I knew how towards mom’s bathroom once again. I had to make it right past mom’s side of the bed to make it into their bathroom. At the door, I began crawling as I held the honey by the cap between my teeth. Suddenly, a sigh came from Mom’s side of the bed. I froze! My little eyes grew wide as I waited to hear if mom would fall back asleep. She scratched her head and rolled over.

Phew!!! I thought as I continued my stealth-like journey. Once in the bathroom, I felt it was safe to get off the floor. In my attempt to get to my feet, I lost my balance and tipped backwards. Good...
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