Football Satire

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Women During The NFL Season

It is that time of year again; the NFL is kicking off another season. Millions of men are ready to get settled in their favorite chair and spend each Sunday afternoon in their underpants, watching hours upon hours of NFL games and highlights. It is also time for wives and girlfriends to meticulously plan and carry out sexual affairs, mostly with foreign men who have little or no interest in American football.

Sally lives in downtown Pittsburgh and her husband is a huge fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. "He watches every game, every highlight, and every report. He doesn't miss anything, and that gives me time to have an affair with Simon, my British lover", she told reporters.

Like Sally, a growing number of American women now look forward to the NFL season, instead of dreading it as they have in the past. "I used to get so angry during football season", said Sally, "but now, it's a great time for both of us. He gets to watch all of the games, and I get to have an affair". Last year, Sally suggested to several of her girlfriends that they too, have an affair during the NFL season. From this, a new subculture was born.

"At first, I wasn't sure if I should", said Sally's friend, Allison. A few weeks later, just after the pre-season, Allison found herself on a date with Simon's friend, Ron. Days later, an affair began between the two. "It's nice" says Allison, "Ron doesn't care about football, I have my affair, then season is over and I can get back to my relationship with my husband. Everybody wins this way".

Marriage experts frown on what is being called "gridiron affairs", but acknowledge that in some cases, it can keep a relationship or a marriage together. "Some men really do care way too much about the NFL", says relationship specialist Dr. Parker. "Having the affairs may keep wives and girlfriends from getting angry and resentful, and therefore keep an otherwise healthy relationship together." Parker stresses that...
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