بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
College of Arts, Humanities & Social Sciences
Department of English Language and Literature
Academic for Academic Purposes (0202112)
Midterm Exam - Spring 2012
Sunday, 16th December 2012
Time: 13:00 – 14:00
| | | | |Reading Comprehension | | | |Vocabulary in Context | | | |Main ideas and Writing patterns | | | |Total |25 | |
Dealing with Feelings
Rudolph F. Verderber
An extremely important aspect of self-disclosure is the sharing of feelings. We all experience feelings such as happiness at receiving an unexpected gift, sadness about the death of someone we love, or anger when we believe we have been taken advantage of. The question is whether to disclose such feelings, and if so, how. Self-disclosure of feelings usually will be most successful not when feelings are withheld or displayed but when they are described. Let's consider each of these forms of dealing with feelings.
Withholding feelings - that is, keeping them inside and not giving any verbal or nonverbal clues to their existence - is generally an inappropriate means of dealing with feelings. Withholding feelings is best exemplified by the good poker player who develops a "poker face," a neutral look that is impossible to decipher. The look is the same whether the player's cards are good or bad. Unfortunately, many people use poker faces in their interpersonal relationships, so that no one knows whether they hurt inside, are extremely excited, and so on.
Psychologists believe that when people withhold feelings, they can develop physical problems such as ulcers, high blood pressure, and heart disease, as well as psychological problems such as stress-related neuroses and psychoses. Moreover, people who withhold feelings are often perceived as cold, undemonstrative, and not much fun to be around.
Is withholding ever appropriate? When a situation is inconsequential, that is lacking value, you may well choose to withhold your feelings. For instance, a stranger's inconsiderate behavior at a party may bother you, but because you can move to another part of the room, withholding may not be detrimental.
Displaying feelings means expressing those feelings through a facial reaction, body response, or spoken reaction. Cheering over a great play at a sporting event, booing the referee at a perceived bad call, patting a person on the back when the person does something well, or saying, "What are you doing?" in a nasty tone of voice are all displays of feelings.
Displays are especially appropriate when the feelings you are experiencing are positive. In fact, many people need to be even more demonstrative of good feelings. You have probably seen the bumper sticker "Have you hugged your kid today?" It reinforces the point that you need to display love and affection constantly to show another person that you really care.
Displays become detrimental to communication when the feelings you are experiencing are negative- especially when the display of a negative feeling appears to be an overreaction. Although displays of negative feelings may be good for you psychologically, they are likely to be bad for you interpersonally.
Describing feelings - putting your feelings into words in a calm, nonjudgmental way- tends to be the best method of disclosing feelings. Describing...
Please join StudyMode to read the full document