By Roald Dahl
Now you heard what your mother said, George. Don’t forget my medicine.
And just try to behave yourself for once while she’s away. You can make me a nice cup of tea for a start .That’ll keep you out of mischief for a few minutes. One spoon sugar and no milk.
It’s not sweet enough. Put more sugar in. Where’s the saucer? I won’t have a cup without a saucer. And what about a teaspoon, if you please? I’ll stir my own tea, thank you very much. Fetch me a teaspoon. You know what’s the matter with you? You’re growing too fast. Boys who grow too fast become stupid and lazy. Growing’s a nasty childish habit.
Rubbish, boy, rubbish. Look at me. Am I growing? Certainly not. Only when I was very little. I gave up growing when I was extremely small, along with all the other nasty childish habits like laziness and disobedience and greed and sloppiness and untidiness and stupidity. You haven’t given up any of these things, have you? You’re eights years old. That’s old enough to know better. If you don’t stop growing soon, it’ll be too late. It’s ridiculous. You’re nearly as tall as me already.
Don’t listen to your daddy, listen to me. Eat less chocolate. It makes you grow the wrong way. Up instead of down.
Eat cabbage instead. It’s not what you like or what you don’t like. It’s what’s good for you that counts. From now on, you must eat cabbage three times a day. And if it’s got caterpillars in it, so much the better.
A big fat earwig is very tasty. But you’ve got to be very quick, my dear, when you put one of those in your mouth. It has a pair of sharp nippers on its back end and if it grabs your tongue with those, it never lets go. So you’ve got to bite the earwig first, chop chop, before it bites you.
You’re trying to get away from me, aren’t you? Come closer to me, little boy. I will tell you secrets. Come over here to Grandma and she’ll whisper secrets to you. You mustn’t...