1) Is the title appealing? if you can make a new title by skimming through the essay and finding an interesting sentence. The title appealing because it is simple about myself. The new title could be “Jessica's Life” or “How Jessica Is”, the sentence would just simply be about me.
2) How effective is the first paragraph at getting the reader’s attention? Will it make them want to read more? The first paragraph is effective because it will make readers want to read more about me and what I do in my life. The second paragraph gets into more detail because it tells the readers what goes on next in the life of Jessica. It will make readers want to read more if they want to find out what I want in my life and what I should be doing.
3) Is the thesis: ‘You should accept me into your college because of this, this, and this,’ hinted at without being said outright? Yes, because any college should accept a student if they are wiling to try to become accomplished in their lives than the college should give them a chance. Some community colleges are very easy to get into once you fill out the things that need to be done.
4)Are there any sentences or sections that are unclear or difficult to understand? Is there any part of this essay that might be hard for someone to follow? (For example, did you include locations or people without describing who they are?) No, there should not be any sentences that are difficult to understand because it is all about me. There should not be anyone that could take this very hard to follow because I had no locations of anywhere because I have not decided where to go yet.
5) Does the end feel like everything is well summed up? Is it still in the same tense/person as the rest of the essay? How could it be improved? Yes, because I am talking about the same person and how my life is going. It is still the same person as the rest of the essay hence, personal essay. It could possibly be improved by writing more detailed about myself but...
Please join StudyMode to read the full document