I knew before I arrived at my dad’s house, that this day was not a good day. I had a feeling inside that this was the day that might explain the past months to me. Get rid of the emptiness that I had like a hole in my heart reminding me that everything wasn’t ok.
Something wasn’t right, and I could feel it as if it were a clock ticking -reminding me continuously. Always there but after a little while you stop hearing it as you forget about it, but it always returns .You always hear it again, it always comes back. You always remember its there every now and again. You can try to ignore it, and sometimes it works, but sooner or later you remember its there. Tick, tock, tick, tock, remember, remember.
Mum told me that dad wanted me to go to his today. Today. I figured that there was some reason why he wanted me to come specifically today. Without arranging it with me beforehand, like usual. I supposed I was overthinking. But at the same time I knew I was overthinking for a reason, I could tell by the feeling in my gut, I could feel it turning over and over. Like the clock, ticking over.
I felt both anger and dread. Frustration and confusion. Emptiness and Helplessness. All my emotions were bubbling under the surface. Only one speed bump away from spilling over. But I bottled them up, I acted like I was okay .It was a common practice for me.
I carried on pretending throughout the day. It was a blur. My mind was racing. Questions spinning through my mind. What If’s? Whys? Or was I just making this up in my head? I didn’t know. But sat down at the table that day, I did know. Dad rounded us up and told us dinner was ready, so we all took our places at the outside dinner table. That’s when I knew something wasn’t right, but I carried on telling myself, convincing myself, that I was just making it up in my head and there was nothing wrong. ‘Sit down kids mummy and daddy have got something to tell you all’. I froze. The... [continues]
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