Elementary, Middle and Highschool Boy-Girl Relationship

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Is it too soon to talk about boy/girl relationships in elementary school? Of course it is, you say! Well, you may not want to hear about it, or you may choose denial over reality, but the fact remains that children are playing out the cultural role that they are being taught as early as 2nd grade. Therefore, the relationship between boys and girls at every school (Christian and non- Christian) is a topic that needs to be discussed from a Biblical standpoint. Recently I have observed an increase in the level of interaction between some of the boys and girls at the elementary school level with the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in mind. There have been some phone calls made and notes passed, and yet nothing really serious has happened. Even so, the fallout from this kind of interest and behavior has been clearly seen, as some of the kids are rejecting others, breaking off friendships, and making “who likes whom” a focus of attention. The pattern becomes more sophisticated as it continues in the middle school years and is in full bloom by the time the children hit high school. I would like to attempt to persuade you that the elementary level of “who likes whom,” and the middle school level of “who is going out with whom,” are not simply innocent and cute stages of life through which everyone must go. As informed Christians professing to glorify the Lord in all things, we need to see if any of this behavior brings glory to God and evaluate the effects of it on our kids. A brief look at the teen dating model and its consequences will show that it is the world’s model, not Christ’s, that we are so accustomed to. Dating is more for a boy and a girl than just spending time together. It’s a lifestyle that involves attitudes and values. It’s a heart thing! Matthew 22:37 says, “And He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’” The first love for our kids is to be Jesus. Our Creator’s plan for our lives is really what we should be directing our kids to focus on; the chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever! Romantic male-female relationships are designed by God to be special and singular. The world’s model of dating is one in which you try out many opportunities until you find the one that makes you happy. This type of dating results in a pattern of many broken hearts and bad memories – some of which are detrimental to the intimacy intended for marriage later in life. Interestingly, even the non Christian world is beginning to realize that frequent dating is not healthy. The following are excerpts from an article in the September 8, 2005 Wall Street Journal1 that cites two studies not written from a Christian worldview but nonetheless conclude: * Teens who date a lot don’t have a higher likelihood of developing healthy adult relationships. Instead, their romances in their 20s are likely to be more troubled. * Teens who dated only one or a few people, and formed relationships of more than a few weeks, emerged in their 20s with closer and more-trusting romantic ties than those who had more numerous and fleeting dates. * Unmarried teen girls who settled down with just one partner at 16 or 17- and were still unmarried at 21- are more likely to be eventually married by ages 22-25. Many, including Christians and non Christians, think that dating is just part of the teenage experience. However, putting adolescent boys and girls together leads not only to the emotional experiences that often tear at our children’s hearts but also to sexual experimentation. Think back to your teen years: were you told by a boyfriend or girlfriend in your teen years that he/she loved you? Did he/she eventually marry you?  Where did that relationship lead? God wants us to act and think differently. These are matters of the heart. Philippians 1:9-10 says, “And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that...
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