AP Lang & Comp
January 20 2011
Dear Everyone Who Questions My Antics,
I am well aware that I, Edward Regan Murphy, have made some mistakes in my life. I am also aware of the information that some of you people are thoroughly displeased with the decisions I’ve made. First off, I would like to acknowledge that I am not a child and I do not have to answer to anyone but since the community might stop going to see my movies…wait, it seems as though they have already stopped doing that so I see no reason to apologize. Let me just clarify what happened on that fateful day…
It had just become morning on the second day of May in the one thousandth nine hundred and ninety seventh year. I was frolicking around the town in my wife’s vehicle, just looking for some good clean fun, when I saw what appeared to be a woman. She seemed distraught, as though she had lost everything that meant anything to her. All this I could tell in the milliseconds it took me to notice her. She was scantily clad and all I could imagine was that she had somehow lost all of her more appropriate clothing in some sort of fracas. Of course I immediately pulled over to help her out. I had seen her type many a time and knew exactly what to do in this kind of situation. I invited her into my wife’s car and struck up a conversation with her. She told me that the reason she was out on the streets at such an ungodly hour was that she was just going for a leisurely walk around her neighborhood when she lost her contact. I offered to purchase her a set of new contacts if she would let me give her a ride back home, seeing as it was late and the streets were a dangerous place for a beautiful lady such as herself to be.
We had barely gotten a few miles before a set of flashing lights illuminated the windows and the familiar siren of a patrol vehicle pierced my eardrums. I was utterly bewildered as to why I was being pulled over but being a good citizen, I compliantly came...