Welcome to WritePoint, the automated review system that recognizes errors most commonly made by university students in academic essays. The system embeds comments into your paper and suggests possible changes in grammar and style. Please evaluate each comment carefully to ensure that the suggested change is appropriate for your paper, but remember that your instructor's preferences for style and format prevail. You will also need to review your own citations and references since WritePoint capability in this area is limited. Please see the other helpful writing resources in the Tutorials and Guides section of the Center for Writing Excellence. Thank you for using WritePoint.
[NOTE: WritePoint comments are computer-generated writing and grammar suggestions inviting the consideration and analysis of the writer, not infallible statements of right/wrong, and they should not be used as grading elements. Also, at present, WritePoint cannot detect quotations or block-quotes, so comments in those areas should be ignored.]
Learning Team B
Nur/403 Theories and Models of Nursing Practice
April 11, 2010
Sandra Ulmer, RN, PHN, MSN
Traditionally in nursing there has been a lag between learning and practice. This resulted in the development of nursing theories, which guide our [Use "we," "us," or "our" to mean yourself and coauthors, not general humanity (or yourself and the reader)] clinical practice. Dorthea Orem is a woman who developed just such a theory and approach. Dorothea Orem devoted over 50 years ["Over" is used to describe something physically above something else (e.g., over the rainbow) or time (over a period of years); "more than" is used for amounts larger than something else (e.g., more than 50 years)] of her life to studying and coming up with a theory that not only help save many lives, but [For parallel construction, "not only" must be followed by "but also" later in the sentence] help nurses make better decisions when it came to taking care of the most simple yet essential part of anyone’s care; themselves. Born in Baltimore, Maryland in 1914, Dorothea Elizabeth Orem has devoted the majority of her nursing career and studies into developing a theory that helps those who cannot help themselves (Taylor, 2007). Known for her theory, her books and to her friends as a great [Clearer writing suggestion--"great" is an overworked word, too frequently seen, and too vague. It has too many meanings: huge, superior, numerous, etc. Besides "much," a "great deal" can mean an excellent transaction. Use a more specific adjective] leader in the nursing profession, Dorothea Orem has committed her life into developing the Self Care Deficit Nursing Theory [Do not capitalize the name of a theory unless it contains a proper noun (someone's name)] (SCDNT) that basically was “laying out the structure of nursing knowledge and explicating the domains of nursing knowledge” (Taylor, 2007, p. 22). Orem’s theory influenced many because health is based [The passive voice is a form of "be" (is) and a participle (based). Over-use of the passive voice can make paragraphs officious and tedious to read. Try to use the active voice most often, e.g., the student completed the paper on time. The passive voice version--The paper was completed on time by the student--See eCampus > Center for Writing Excellence > Tutorials & Guides > Grammar & Writing Guides > Active & passive voice] on the individuals need for self-action to maintain and manage health and recover from illness and disease, and cope with the effects (Berbiglia, 2006). In order to [Clear writing suggestion--the meaning will be the same (and less wordy) by removing "in order"] achieve optimal physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing an individual needs to be able to [Wordiness: Remove "be able to"; the sentence will read more smoothly without it] have some form of self-action in improving there over all [Try to eliminate "all" or "all of"; most...
Please join StudyMode to read the full document