Domestic violence is a terrible problem that we all must face, not only the
people who are victims. We need to stop this before the problem
develops into anything bigger than it already is.
The battered woman, it has been said, lives in a world of terror and her
home is her prison (Berger, 1990, pg. 35). For many hundreds of years people
weren't worried about domestic violence. In fact, a popular family journal, the
Journal of Marriage and Family, did not include a single article on domestic
from 1932 to 1969 (Berger, 1990, pg. 27). Suddenly, more women
came out and told of the abuse they had once suffered.
Researchers report that 1.8-2.9 million women are battered yearly. Not
only do the victims suffer physical pain, but they also have to deal with
emotional and psychological pain. The victim may have to face reoccurring
nightmares, and may never want to trust another man. Much too frequently,
the victim blames themselves. The typical response of an abused/battered
woman is, "I provoked him . . . I was being a bad wife, mother, and
housekeeper," (Peled, 1995, pg. 141). The very sad part about the violence, beside the physical and emotional stress, is that most likely they know the
offender or abuser.
So, why, why would a person who is loved, want to abuse their spouse or
girlfriend? One of the key responses . . . Jealousy. The husband may become
very suspicious, afraid of losing his wife. The abuser sees his wife or girlfriend as a
possession. The only way, they think, to relieve this built up anger is
aggression. To improve their self-esteem, they abuse the victim physically,
emotionally, and sometimes, sexually. Another key factor in wife abuse is
alcohol. When the man is stressed, he turns to alcohol to relieve it. Little does
he know, that the alcohol makes him more irritable. "He started really drinking
excessively and that is when the abuse started. He had been drinking . . . I sat
down to read the paper and he wanted his supper . . . he kicked the cat to the
ceiling . . . he started slapping my face with both hands," (Berger, 1990, pg. 42).
Research shows that men who abuse their wives, often saw their own mother
abused. Do to witnessing this, the children of battered families usually grow up
to have low self-esteem and believe that hitting is right.
Women who are in abusive relationships find it very difficult to leave. Not
only are they afraid for their own lives, but sometimes, if children are involved,
the offender threatens the lives of the children. One woman told a
psychologist, "He promises anything you want to hear. He promises that he will
do anything, lots of tears, and Oh, I'm so sorry, and I love these children, I
would never do it again.' You want to believe that it's just a mistake, but it's not
a mistake," (Berger, 1990, pg. 42). Many women are threatened by their
husband or boyfriend that if they try to leave they'll be hurt worse than ever before or
even killed. 68% fear that their lives will be taken by the abuser, 71% of abused
women believe that they are still in love with their husband or boyfriend, and 66%
believe that they need a man to have a successful and happy life. After repeated abuse
many of the abusers try to convince the victims that they'll change and that it will
never happen again. Researchers stress the point, "Once an Abuser always an Abuser,"
(Jones, 1994, pg. 52).
So, if you're in an abusive relationship what is the best way to get out and
stop the battering? After notorious acts of abuse, usually, the woman will finally
realize that the situation will never get better. Basically there are three basic
reasons why women leave a violent relationship:
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