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Dialectical Tension

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I have a friend who is five years older than me. I’ve known him since the first year I came to the United States when we were coworkers. We were close friends so that we shared a lot of things. In addition, I knew both him and his girlfriend (who is now his wife) since they started dating; therefore, he would tell me a lot of things that happened with their relationship. After learning about chapter 9 about dialectical tensions, I found that their relationship somehow went through some of them which are: integration vs. separation and revelation vs. concealment. I would say the turning point for all of those conflicting tensions was their marriage about one year ago. Talking about integration vs. separation, when they were dating, they tried to be together as often as possible. When they got married, I thought they would stick together more and probably wouldn’t hang out with our group again. However, a few months after their marriage, he started to hang out with our group again as he said that he wanted some times with his close buddies. And, according to him, it was not only him who wanted to have some space but his wife also needed to hang out with her friends. I think after marriage, when they were actually living together and doing the same routine everyday with the same person, a little separation once a while might be a good idea to avoid unwanted boredom. The second dialectical tension between them is revelation vs. concealment. Before they got married, he already knew that she was a “shopaholic”, and she knew that he was a smoker, but they did not see them as problems. Or, in other words, they did not tell the other straightly what they truly thought. Things changed after their marriage. There were some times they fought over those issues because they thought that the other was spending too much on unnecessary things. After marriage, when their degree of honesty increased, they tended to be more straight-forward and revealed more what they thought about...

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