cover letter revision
March 02, 2014
U.S. Department of State
2201 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20520
Dear Sir or Madam:
It has been a long time career objective of mine (no comma) to work for your agency as a Special Agent in the Bureau of Diplomatic Security Service. Over the several years that I have worked for the government, I have had the ability to work with numerous (so you’re not repeating “several” again) of your Special Agents who have always presented themselves and your agency in a very professional manner (not manor).
Although I know there are many federal law enforcement agencies within the United States, the members of your agency have left a positive, long lasting impression on me. This impression (instead of repeating the end of the prior sentence again) has pushed me to earn my bachelor’s degree in Homeland Security at Empire State University. This degree allows me to meet the qualifications for your current available position (I would be specific here and list the positions title as they most likely have multiple available positions).
When I learned that you were currently accepting resumes I wanted to make sure that you received mine. (insert period to end run on sentence) I know that you have a high standard that I have seen and worked with several times during my career. (re-word, maybe: I have seen firsthand the high expectations your department has for its employees) I am well-qualified, with over ten years of law enforcement experience, including conducting complex investigations resulting in the protection or (of?) persons and property and I also maintain a top secret security clearance.
I am seeking an opportunity to further build my career and take on new challenges. The attached résumé will illustrate my capabilities in delivering unrivaled value to your agency. I will gladly welcome a personal interview to discuss a position within your agency. I can be reached in confidence at the
U.S. Department of State
2201 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20520
Dear Sir or Madam:
It has been a long time career objective of mine (no comma) to work for your agency as a Special Agent in the Bureau of Diplomatic Security Service. Over the several years that I have worked for the government, I have had the ability to work with numerous (so you’re not repeating “several” again) of your Special Agents who have always presented themselves and your agency in a very professional manner (not manor).
Although I know there are many federal law enforcement agencies within the United States, the members of your agency have left a positive, long lasting impression on me. This impression (instead of repeating the end of the prior sentence again) has pushed me to earn my bachelor’s degree in Homeland Security at Empire State University. This degree allows me to meet the qualifications for your current available position (I would be specific here and list the positions title as they most likely have multiple available positions).
When I learned that you were currently accepting resumes I wanted to make sure that you received mine. (insert period to end run on sentence) I know that you have a high standard that I have seen and worked with several times during my career. (re-word, maybe: I have seen firsthand the high expectations your department has for its employees) I am well-qualified, with over ten years of law enforcement experience, including conducting complex investigations resulting in the protection or (of?) persons and property and I also maintain a top secret security clearance.
I am seeking an opportunity to further build my career and take on new challenges. The attached résumé will illustrate my capabilities in delivering unrivaled value to your agency. I will gladly welcome a personal interview to discuss a position within your agency. I can be reached in confidence at the