Jayadeva de Silva.M.Sc, FIPM.FITD
Let me introduce Bandara. Bandara has been working as the number two in a medium sized organization for ten years. It has always been intimated that when Jeremy his boss retires or leaves, Bandara will slip into the number one position and lead the organization. Barry has always had some clear ideas on how he is going to take the organization forward when Jeremy is not there; ideas that have not been taken up in the past.
Life being perverse, it had been decided to advertise the job externally and guess what? A better candidate came up who has now been in post for three weeks. Bandera’s new boss is a great guy, very friendly and supportive . . . but, he is not Barry. Barry has been to a counsellor for few sessions. Today is a new session.
Counsellor: "Well Bandara, your new man is now firmly in position, so how does that leave you?"
Bandara: "Adrift, de-energized, de-motivated, thwarted, un-trusted, rejected, passed over. Does that sum it up?"
Well what an outpouring of emotion. This guy is in real trouble.
Counsellor: "Can I add another one – rejected?"
Bandara: "Of course that says it all. But I am clearly not as good at this job as I thought I was and that makes me feel insecure and uncomfortable. They have chosen this new guy over me – after all I have done here it does not seem fair. In fact, life does not feel fair at all." How is this for a good counselling challenge? Which one of those key words above should our counsellor pick on first? Which of these is getting to Bandara most? What, if our counsellor mines deeply enough will help Bandara pick himself up and start regaining his customary enthusiasm? Counsellor must not be judgmental here, so he will ask Bandara.
Counsellor: "Bandara, you have used a lot of what could be described as emotional words here, can you pick out one that really stands out? If you look inside yourself, what feeling are you seeing, feeling...