An encounter with interpersonal conflict
Conflict is something we all ex prince at one point or another in our life time. According to our author, “Conflict is a part of every interpersonal relationship,...” (DeVito, 2008-2009, p.286). Since people have different views, conflict, a disagreement, is something we all must learn to deal with. The conflict I choose to write about involves a conflict I encountered with my ex-girlfriend a while ago.
Me and my ex met through mutual friends we shared. However, these weren't all of our friends. About half a year into the relationship we started to argue about where to go and which friends parties we would go to. Naturally, each of us was trying to argue the other to go to with our own friends. The problem, for the most part, wasn't that we disliked the other's friends, but rather that this parties were on the same time, usual, Friday and Saturday evening. Obviously, each time we had this argument one of us, if not both, got really frustrated and annoyed. Needless to say, because we were dating each other this soon effected other aspects of our relationship; we had to find some sort of solution. At first we tried to avoid the conflict, either me or she would cave in rather quickly. After about half a year the arguments would become longer and longer, until eventually we both went out alone.
In this paper I will explain how the five principles of conflict from our textbook (DeVito, 2008-2009) were present in our conflict.
The first principle of conflict is that conflict is inevitable. (DeVito, 2008-2009). In the beginning me and my ex were trying to be nice and avoid the argument at all cause. We were in the beginning of a relationship and both of us were trying to please the other. The first time we had a big fight was because her friend had a birthday party at her home, at the same time my best friend had a Super bowl party at his house. At the time, after a long argument we have decided to go to her girlfriend party. Assuming there would be a TV set there and I can at least see the game, I gave up, the argument was getting annoying. What still frustrates me is why she had the birthday on Super bowl Sunday. By what my friends told me, the Super bowl party my friend hosted was a great one, this didn't help my feelings. I felt really annoyed with giving up, which made me behave in an unpleasant way to my ex all the week to follow. Looking back, I think that if we had talked about it, maybe I would have felt better right away instead of holding the frustration within.
The second principle is that conflict can have a negative and positive effect. (DeVito, 2008-2009).At the few times after that Sunday that the same issue came up, we had only negative effects. It felt that each time one of us gave up on the argument, the other would be annoyed for the whole week. This went own for a few weeks before we had a discussion to try an address the issue about this. Since we were both annoyed and frustrated, it started to effect are general mood in other aspects of our life – we had to address the problem. So we talked for about 3 hours and came up with a solution of altering the weeks. One week I would decide on where to go, one week she would; Nothing could be more horrible. The very next week we were fighting on who's week it was and ended up going each to his/her own friends by ourself.
The third principle is that conflict can focus on content and/or relationship issues. (DeVito, 2008-2009). Me and my ex conflict evolved around both of these. Our conflict seemed to have started out as a content conflict, which friends to go out with. When I think back our conflict also involved another aspect, it was also a relationship issue. As our author states “...issues as who's in charge,...” (DeVito, 2008-2009, p. 288). In other words, we weren't only fighting about who to hang out with, we were also arguing who is in control in our relationship. This is something that occurs in every...
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