Com 156 Week 5 Assignment - Revision Practice

Topics: Actor, Film, Writing Pages: 2 (665 words) Published: April 25, 2011
Revision Practice

When reading the students paper, I found numerous mistakes that he had made. He wrote the paper about the dark knight and, in my opinion, it was a good movie. I think that, first of all, I would have to say he tends to use a lot of commas in the in the second paragraph. In which he could have broken it down into a few sentences, rather than one sentence. Another time is in the third paragraph where he rapidly names of the actors and actresses. He could have spaced them out and said a little bit about the characters. I would change this because it would give the paper more character and would be more appealing with the different character that is in it and how good they were. I also think that the writer could have written a better conclusion paragraph. He only has one real sentence in it and the other sentence was only four words. I would have taken all of the information that I explained in all the other paragraphs and just summarized them up. I would have made the paragraph at least a minimum of three or four long sentences.

Andy wrote a lot of good points to back up his topic, however he didn’t put any quotes in the paragraphs. He did state in his paragraphs that “Wikipedia wrote the following about the film: It was greeted with positive reviews upon release, and became only the second film to earn more than $500 million at the North American box office, setting numerous other records in the process. It is also the fourth highest grossing film worldwide and only the fourth film to earn more than $1 billion, worldwide.” However he did not put quotes around it as I just did. This is plagiarizing what the resource said. It is important that you make sure you always quote what another person has said just so that way you don’t get in trouble. Andy could have put maybe a couple more resources in there to persuade the readers just how popular the movie really was. So, that way it would lure readers to go and rent the movie to see it. Being...
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