Com 156 Appendix J Revision Analysis

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Associate Level Material
Appendix J

Revision Analysis

Feedback Received

List the details provided in your feedback under each of the following categories. Revisions

What changes you will make to revise your paper based on this feedback? Explain your answer.


The instructor indicated that my research paper should not be written in first person. Example

I will go through each page of my paper and remove the use of first person. I will rewrite each sentence properly in third person. I will also review the material in the Center for Writing Excellence that will help me better understand how to use third person correctly. Instructor Feedback

1.Focus on providing an argument more than just a statement.

2.Link more into the thesis statement.

3.Use the second paragraph as a model for other paragraphs.

4.Include research to support points in the paper.

5.Include more sources about why more high school students use drugs.

6.Focus on examples to back up my thesis statement.

7.Transition between paragraphs.

8.Include sources and citations in final paper.
The changes that I will make to my paper are to concentrate on providing an agreement and explain why high school students use drugs more than other individual’s. I will review the entire paper, look over the second paragraph so I can see the difference between it and the other paragraphs and then revise those paragraphs. I will provide research information that supports the points I have made in my paper. Explain why more high school students are abusing drugs and include sources to back up my findings. When looking over my thesis statement, I will focus on providing example to back it up. WritePointSM Feedback

1.Rewrite the sentence without using the word “being” and use an action word instead.

2.Use the word “toward” instead of using the word “towards”.

3.Do not use the words “end up”, because they may mean something different to the...
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