Com 155 Final

The two paragraphs that I chose at random were very different in their writing structure. Paragraph number one, which was pertaining to people do not have wills, and number two was dealing with President Barack Obama addressing the credit card issues.   The more effective paragraph out of the two is paragraph number two, credit card issues.   This paragraph provided sentence variety, which gave a good rhythm flow of both short and long sentences.   Versus paragraph one, has many short sentences that took away the rhythm flow and no sentence variety.   There also was repetition in the idea or argument part of the two first sentences, which made the writing sound elementary.   Some of the choice of words that was used sound child-like, and there were short sentences that could have been combined to eliminate repetition.   Reading paragraph one was a frustrating bore with repetition, no variety, and no rhythm flow.   Paragraph number two, was well structured with both sentence variety and rhythm.  
The feedback that I received from WritePoint was helpful.   There were three different suggestions that were provided.   The first was in reference to the “passive voice using verb be” pertaining to the word combined in my paragraph.   I was unfamiliar with what was stated; therefore, I researched what it meant.   A passive voice is the subject of the sentence that is neither a do-er or be-er and is acted upon by some unknown initiator.   (e.g.) The president approved the new policy.   (active voice)   The policy was approved by the president. (passive voice)   With that insight, I did attempt to make a change from passive to an active voice.   My attempt was not successful.   In my research, passive voice in writing is not frowned upon in grammar, it will just excite the writing a little.   The second issue was still dealing with the same word, combined.   I used after the word combined the word together, which indicated redundancy.   Therefore, I removed that word.   The third response was... [continues]

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