Throughout high school this has been the most important lesson I’ve had to learn. Everyone always told me that I was smart but just didn’t apply myself. I felt like I was letting many people down. During this time was when life at home started to affect my life at school and I started to fail classes. I’m not an open person, so no one knew about the issues I was having, and it came across as if I just wasn’t trying. Opening up and asking for help was something I really had to overcome and achieve to get to where I am today.
Every Night at home was a constant battle with my mother, whether I had done something wrong or if she had a bad day, I was her punching bag. Emotional blows towards me were the only way she could feel better about herself. Being repeatedly told, by your own mother, she wished you were never born, takes its toll. I’m not an only child; my two year old brother witnessed most of our fights, and as a big sister that broke my heart. I spent much time being unhappy, wondering what I had done for my mother to hate me. I saw the relationships my friends had with their moms and that hurt even more. I lost myself in the pain and sadness and separated myself further from my life.
Finally making the decision to leave my mother’s house and care, was one made with mixed emotions. I would have given anything to have a good relationship with my mom, but after years of being hurt, I had to come to terms with the fact that, that wasn’t going to happen. I moved in with my grandparents for nearly a year and currently my aunt, uncle, and two little cousins, Making this change meant that I had to switch to a third high school in four years. I was determined to make this year the year I found my wings, the year that I proved to myself that I am worth more than what my mother thought.
I am at the point in my life where I can reflect on how my mother has treated me and learn from that...