Clp1006

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In chapter 8 is about develop your emotional intelligence. Self awareness the ability to know your own emotions. This involves being able to adopt the witnessing stance so as to master self understanding and in sight into your own needs and feeling. Knowing and understanding your feelings gives you more direction for wise decision making. Managing your emotions the ability to master stress control anger overcome depression and anxiety and remain optimistic all contribute to skills in being resilent so as to bounce back from life’s inevitable setbacks. Self motivation the ability to persevere to delay gratification and wait for rewards and to stay focused and on task is essential in most life endeavors particularly those that involve long terms goals. Perceptiveness the ability to perceive and correctly identify the emotions of others along with skills at recognizing the impact of your behavior on others. The cornerstone of this is the ability to empathize with others to literally be able to put yourself in shoes of another person, along with the ability to read and understand nonverbal cues. Handling relationships skills in relating to others and managing their emotions. It involves listening skill, conversational skills being able to resolve conflicts and knowing how to be appropriately assertive. It also subsumes the ability to establish rapport with others along with leadership skills. In this chapter we focus on helping you learn effective methods for managing conflicts with others and mastering your own emotional responses. Making deposits into the emotional bank accounts. Understand the individual, in order to make deposits, you must first know what the other considers a deposit. You can only do this by learning to really listen to learn a persons needs or interests. Remember that what may be a deposit for you may be meaningless or even a withdrawal for someone else. Attend to the little thing, oftentimes it is the little things that count the most. Small insensitive things that that you do or forgetto do, add up to be large withdrawals. On the other hand those small niceties or favors that you do for another are often the purest proof that you care. In fact frequent small deposits typically lead to larger balances than the occasional huge deposit. In relationships the little things are the big things. Keep your commitments; remember the power of your words. Keeping your promises constitutes a major depost and is an essential element of trust. Breaking your promises particularly if this happens regularly constitutes a major withdrawal. Clarify your expectation; you can create many problems.

Chapter 9 is about building trust as you communicate. Blocks to effective listening, judging our natural tendency to judge, to define things as good or bad cool or uncool can be an enormous barrier to effective communication. If you prejudge someone in a negative way it will influence your ability to listen. Negative labels have tremendous power. For example quickly labeling someone as stupid of crazy make it highly unlikely that you will pay much attention to what that person has to say. Other types of judgment responses include moralizing advising warning and ordering. When you are judgment other people are put on the defensive and typically turned off.

Mind reading; rather than paying attention to what the person is really saying you are busy operating on the basis of your assumptions about what the persons thinking and saying. Once in a while if you are very perceptive your efforts at mind reading may be on target, but for the most part mind reading usually leads to mis communications and misunderstanding. Stereotyping; when you operate on the basis of your widespread generalizations about a person based on group membership os somne physical characteristic rather than getting to know that person for who he or she is you are setting the stage for poor listening and distorted communications. Interrupting; frequent or...
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