Changes

Life gives us many opportunities, opportunities to learn. Be it working in refugee camp for the needy people, volunteering for orphans, getting myriad responsibilities as a president of an environment club, working as a media presenter and writer of magazines, I have always tried to give my very best in everything I do. People know me as a confident, plucky and ambitious person who is always ready to accept new challenges but when I flashback from the past my two stories seems poles apart.
When I was in grade 8, I stood behind my mum’s leg whenever I met anyone new and it took me a long time to warm and reach a comfort zone with new people. I knew that if I was relaxed and comfortable, I was capable of enjoying conversation and could possibly be a good speaker with valuable things to say, but because of my bashfulness, I really just preferred to be in my own head. I didn’t like to be ignored, but I would choose to be ignored rather than face the fear of talking in front of other people.
Being a gregarious person has many advantages, which personally used to really annoy me. I felt, as an introverted person who was scared to talk much, that I should not be forced to be amiable. My first step towards public speaking began in grade 8. I had participated in a science extempore competition and everything seemed fine until the emcee called my name on the stage. I felt one part of my brain focusing on the competition, going through my slides. Then there was this other part of my brain saying things like "You do realize everyone is staring at you right now? They are all listening to you, just you, you really shouldn’t be up here, and it’s not something you do. What on earth are you doing, you are going to have a panic attack right on stage!" I tried to ignore my inner thoughts and went in front of the stage.
Public speaking was something I set out to do. I wanted be a seminar speaker , flying all over the world speaking at events, doing pitches and so forth. The only hindrance in between was my diffident nature. I knew it wasn’t the kind of business for me but deep inside I could imagine myself giving speeches like Hilary Clinton or Michelle Obama.
I kept myself away from socializing for some months. Then, when I joined A levels certain doors of public speaking started to open for me. Many of those doors I deliberately chose not to open, but eventually I decided to say yes thinking that everyone deserves a second chance.
I had heard somewhere that the best method to overcome a difficulty is to feel the fear and trounce it. The preeminent way of doing it is by gradually taking baby steps, not jumping in the deep end - because you are more likely to start if you take the baby steps at the beginning. I once again participated in a debate competition. For a few minutes my hands were my hands were shuddering but after a while I started getting comfortable and miraculously, I wasn't never nervous anymore.
When we are panicky, it is because we are worried about ourselves. "I will mess up. I will lose my train of thoughts. I will look like a moron. I will be boring." - this feelings strike our mind. The minute it stops being about “me” and starts being about the content and the audience - the better you will feel. For those who know me now, this has always been tough to believe. Fear of public speaking isn’t about one’s personality. It has to do with the believe in ourselves and our perceptions of “public speaking.” I changed my discernment and from then there has been no looking back.