I understand you have many things to consider at your point in life, but you are over thinking many things. In you conversation with Sally you mention the word “phony” often when you describe most of the people you have met. You said: "I hate living in New York and all. Taxicabs, Madison Avenue buses, with the drivers and all always yelling at you to get out at the rear door, and being introduced to phony guys that call the Lunts angels, and going up and down in elevators when you just want to go outside..."(pg 130) This type of thinking is just meaningless, your critiquing people and things without finding an answer to how to feel better. You are isolating yourself from many others by thinking you are the only one that hates going to school, taking cabs, and many of the other monotonous things in life that everyone has to deal with. You say that: "I don't hardly get anything out of anything. I'm in lousy shape."(pg 131) You say here that you do not get joy out of anything, this is not true. You said before when you wrote the composition for Stradlater, that you loved your younger brother Allie. You described him as “fifty times more intelligent.” When Allie died of leukemia , you did not directly say it then, but it is evident that this deeply affected you on many levels. When your sister, Phoebe, asked you to name just one thing you love a lot, all you could think of then is Allie. Allies death is one of the events that lead you to be in the state you are in, fearful and cynical. Allie is one of the only things that you didn’t describe as “phony.” You describes him as a "Genuine nice guy; not only the most intelligent in his family but also the nicest in many ways." After his death you started holding these feelings of fear and hate towards the world. However, this is not the only thing that lead you to be the way the way you are now. Everybody feels the way you describe in the novel, due to our surroundings and some of the people in our...
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